Chapter 105

Thewageswerepaidonceamonthbythesecretary.Onpay-dayeachbatchofassistants,comingdownfromtea,wentintothepassageandjoinedthelonglineofpeoplewaitingorderlyliketheaudienceinaqueueoutsideagallerydoor.Onebyonetheyenteredtheoffice.Thesecretarysatatadeskwithwoodenbowlsofmoneyinfrontofhim,andheaskedtheemploye’sname;hereferredtoabook,quickly,afterasuspiciousglanceattheassistant,saidaloudthesumdue,andtakingmoneyoutofthebowlcounteditintohishand.

“Thankyou,”hesaid.“Next.”

“Thankyou,”wasthereply.

Theassistantpassedontothesecondsecretaryandbeforeleavingtheroompaidhimfourshillingsforwashingmoney,twoshillingsfortheclub,andanyfinesthathemighthaveincurred.Withwhathehadlefthewentbackintohisdepartmentandtherewaitedtillitwastimetogo.MostofthemeninPhilip’shousewereindebtwiththewomanwhosoldthesandwichestheygenerallyateforsupper.Shewasafunnyoldthing,veryfat,withabroad,redface,andblackhairplasteredneatlyoneachsideoftheforeheadinthefashionshowninearlypicturesofQueenVictoria.Shealwaysworealittleblackbonnetandawhiteapron;hersleevesweretuckeduptotheelbow;shecutthesandwicheswithlarge,dirty,greasyhands;andtherewasgreaseonherbodice,greaseonherapron,greaseonherskirt.ShewascalledMrs.Fletcher,buteveryoneaddressedheras‘Ma’;shewasreallyfondoftheshopassistants,whomshecalledherboys;shenevermindedgivingcredittowardstheendofthemonth,anditwasknownthatnowandthenshehadlentsomeoneorotherafewshillingswhenhewasinstraits.Shewasagoodwoman.Whentheywereleavingorwhentheycamebackfromtheholidays,theboyskissedherfatredcheek;andmorethanone,dismissedandunabletofindanotherjob,hadgotfornothingfoodtokeepbodyandsoultogether.Theboysweresensibleofherlargeheartandrepaidherwithgenuineaffection.TherewasastorytheylikedtotellofamanwhohaddonewellforhimselfatBradford,andhadfiveshopsofhisown,andhadcomebackafterfifteenyearsandvisitedMaFletcherandgivenheragoldwatch.

Philipfoundhimselfwitheighteenshillingsleftoutofhismonth’spay.Itwasthefirstmoneyhehadeverearnedinhislife.Itgavehimnoneofthepridewhichmighthavebeenexpected,butmerelyafeelingofdismay.Thesmallnessofthesumemphasisedthehopelessnessofhisposition.HetookfifteenshillingstoMrs.Athelnytopaybackpartofwhatheowedher,butshewouldnottakemorethanhalfasovereign.

“D’youknow,atthatrateit’lltakemeeightmonthstosettleupwithyou.”

“AslongasAthelny’sinworkIcanaffordtowait,andwhoknows,p’rapsthey’llgiveyouarise.”

AthelnykeptonsayingthathewouldspeaktothemanageraboutPhilip,itwasabsurdthatnouseshouldbemadeofhistalents;buthedidnothing,andPhilipsooncametotheconclusionthatthepress-agentwasnotapersonofsomuchimportanceinthemanager’seyesasinhisown.OccasionallyhesawAthelnyintheshop.Hisflamboyancewasextinguished;andinneat,commonplace,shabbyclotheshehurried,asubdued,unassuminglittleman,throughthedepartmentsasthoughanxioustoescapenotice.

“WhenIthinkofhowI’mwastedthere,”hesaidathome,“I’malmosttemptedtogiveinmynotice.

There’snoscopeforamanlikeme.I’mstunted,I’mstarved.”

Mrs.Athelny,quietlysewing,tooknonoticeofhiscomplaints.Hermouthtightenedalittle.

“It’sveryhardtogetjobsinthesetimes.It’sregularandit’ssafe;Iexpectyou’llstaythereaslongasyougivesatisfaction.”

ItwasevidentthatAthelnywould.Itwasinterestingtoseetheascendencywhichtheuneducatedwoman,boundtohimbynolegaltie,hadacquiredoverthebrilliant,unstableman.Mrs.AthelnytreatedPhilipwithmotherlykindnessnowthathewasinadifferentposition,andhewastouchedbyheranxietythatheshouldmakeagoodmeal.Itwasthesolaceofhislife(andwhenhegrewusedtoit,themonotonyofitwaswhatchieflyappalledhim)thathecouldgoeverySundaytothatfriendlyhouse.ItwasajoytositinthestatelySpanishchairsanddiscussallmannerofthingswithAthelny.ThoughhisconditionseemedsodesperateheneverlefthimtogobacktoHarringtonStreetwithoutafeelingofexultation.AtfirstPhilip,inordernottoforgetwhathehadlearned,triedtogoonreadinghismedicalbooks,buthefoundituseless;hecouldnotfixhisattentiononthemaftertheexhaustingworkoftheday;anditseemedhopelesstocontinueworkingwhenhedidnotknowinhowlonghewouldbeabletogobacktothehospital.Hedreamedconstantlythathewasinthewards.Theawakeningwaspainful.Thesensationofotherpeoplesleepingintheroomwasinexpressiblyirksometohim;hehadbeenusedtosolitude,andtobewithothersalways,nevertobebyhimselfforaninstantwasatthesemomentshorribletohim.Itwasthenthathefounditmostdifficulttocombathisdespair.Hesawhimselfgoingonwiththatlife,firsttotheright,secondontheleft,madam,indefinitely;andhavingtobethankfulifhewasnotsentaway:themenwhohadgonetothewarwouldbecominghomesoon,thefirmhadguaranteedtotakethemback,andthismustmeanthatotherswouldbesacked;hewouldhavetostirhimselfeventokeepthewretchedposthehad.

Therewasonlyonethingtofreehimandthatwasthedeathofhisuncle.Hewouldgetafewhundredpoundsthen,andonthishecouldfinishhiscourseatthehospital.Philipbegantowishwithallhismightfortheoldman’sdeath.Hereckonedouthowlonghecouldpossiblylive:hewaswelloverseventy,Philipdidnotknowhisexactage,buthemustbeatleastseventy-five;hesufferedfromchronicbronchitisandeverywinterhadabadcough.ThoughheknewthembyheartPhilipreadoverandoveragainthedetailsinhistext-bookofmedicineofchronicbronchitisintheold.Aseverewintermightbetoomuchfortheoldman.WithallhisheartPhiliplongedforcoldandrain.Hethoughtofitconstantly,sothatitbecameamonomania.UncleWilliamwasaffectedbythegreatheattoo,andinAugusttheyhadthreeweeksofswelteringweather.PhilipimaginedtohimselfthatonedayperhapsatelegramwouldcomesayingthattheVicarhaddiedsuddenly,andhepicturedtohimselfhisunutterablerelief.Ashestoodatthetopofthestairsanddirectedpeopletothedepartmentstheywanted,heoccupiedhismindwiththinkingincessantlywhathewoulddowiththemoney.Hedidnotknowhowmuchitwouldbe,perhapsnomorethanfivehundredpounds,buteventhatwouldbeenough.Hewouldleavetheshopatonce,hewouldnotbothertogivenotice,hewouldpackhisboxandgowithoutsayingawordtoanybody;andthenhewouldreturntothehospital.Thatwasthefirstthing.Wouldhehaveforgottenmuch?Insixmonthshecouldgetitallback,andthenhewouldtakehisthreeexaminationsassoonashecould,midwiferyfirst,thenmedicineandsurgery.Theawfulfearseizedhimthathisuncle,notwithstandinghispromises,mightleaveeverythinghehadtotheparishorthechurch.ThethoughtmadePhilipsick.Hecouldnotbesocruel.ButifthathappenedPhilipwasquitedeterminedwhattodo,hewouldnotgooninthatwayindefinitely;hislifewasonlytolerablebecausehecouldlookforwardtosomethingbetter.Ifhehadnohopehewouldhavenofear.Theonlybravethingtodothenwouldbetocommitsuicide,and,thinkingthisovertoo,Philipdecidedminutelywhatpainlessdrughewouldtakeandhowhewouldgetholdofit.Itencouragedhimtothinkthat,ifthingsbecameunendurable,hehadatalleventsawayout.

“Secondtotheright,madam,anddownthestairs.Firstontheleftandstraightthrough.Mr.Philips,forwardplease.”

Onceamonth,foraweek,Philipwas‘onduty.’Hehadtogotothedepartmentatseveninthemorningandkeepaneyeonthesweepers.Whentheyfinishedhehadtotakethesheetsoffthecasesandthemodels.Then,intheeveningwhentheassistantsleft,hehadtoputbackthesheetsonthemodelsandthecasesand‘gang’thesweepersagain.Itwasadusty,dirtyjob.Hewasnotallowedtoreadorwriteorsmoke,butjusthadtowalkabout,andthetimehungheavilyonhishands.Whenhewentoffathalfpastninehehadsuppergivenhim,andthiswastheonlyconsolation;forteaatfiveo’clockhadlefthimwithahealthyappetite,andthebreadandcheese,theabundantcocoawhichthefirmprovided,werewelcome.

OnedaywhenPhiliphadbeenatLynn’sforthreemonths,Mr.Sampson,thebuyer,cameintothedepartment,fumingwithanger.Themanager,happeningtonoticethecostumewindowashecamein,hadsentforthebuyerandmadesatiricalremarksuponthecolourscheme.Forcedtosubmitinsilencetohissuperior’ssarcasm,Mr.Sampsontookitoutoftheassistants;andheratedthewretchedfellowwhosedutyitwastodressthewindow.

“Ifyouwantathingwelldoneyoumustdoit

yourself,”Mr.Sampsonstormed.“I’vealwayssaiditandIalwaysshall.Onecan’tleaveanythingtoyouchaps.Intelligentyoucallyourselves,doyou?Intelligent!”

Hethrewthewordattheassistantsasthoughitwerethebitteresttermofreproach.

“Don’tyouknowthatifyouputanelectricblueinthewindowit’llkillalltheotherblues?”

Helookedroundthedepartmentferociously,andhiseyefelluponPhilip.

“You’lldressthewindownextFriday,Carey.Let’sseewhatyoucanmakeofit.”

Hewentintohisoffice,mutteringangrily.Philip’sheartsank.WhenFridaymorningcamehewentintothewindowwithasickeningsenseofshame.Hischeekswereburning.Itwashorribletodisplayhimselftothepassers-by,andthoughhetoldhimselfitwasfoolishtogivewaytosuchafeelingheturnedhisbacktothestreet.TherewasnotmuchchancethatanyofthestudentsatthehospitalwouldpassalongOxfordStreetatthathour,andheknewhardlyanyoneelseinLondon;butasPhilipworked,withahugelumpinhisthroat,hefanciedthatonturningroundhewouldcatchtheeyeofsomemanheknew.Hemadeallthehastehecould.Bythesimpleobservationthatallredswenttogether,andbyspacingthecostumesmorethanwasusual,Philipgotaverygoodeffect;andwhenthebuyerwentintothestreettolookattheresulthewasobviouslypleased.

“IknewIshouldn’tgofarwronginputtingyouonthewindow.Thefactis,youandmearegentlemen,mindyouIwouldn’tsaythisinthedepartment,butyouandmearegentlemen,andthatalwaystells.It’snogoodyourtellingmeitdoesn’ttell,becauseIknowitdoestell.”

Philipwasputonthejobregularly,buthecouldnotaccustomhimselftothepublicity;andhedreadedFridaymorning,onwhichthewindowwasdressed,withaterrorthatmadehimawakeatfiveo’clockandliesleeplesswithsicknessinhisheart.Thegirlsinthedepartmentnoticedhisshamefacedway,andtheyverysoondiscoveredhistrickofstandingwithhisbacktothestreet.Theylaughedathimandcalledhim‘sidey.’

“Isupposeyou’reafraidyouraunt’llcomealongandcutyououtofherwill.”

Onthewholehegotonwellenoughwiththegirls.Theythoughthimalittlequeer;buthisclub-footseemedtoexcusehisnotbeingliketherest,andtheyfoundinduecoursethathewasgood-natured.Henevermindedhelpinganyone,andhewaspoliteandeventempered.

“Youcanseehe’sagentleman,”theysaid.

“Veryreserved,isn’the?”saidoneyoungwoman,towhosepassionateenthusiasmforthetheatrehehadlistenedunmoved.

Mostofthemhad‘fellers,’andthosewhohadn’tsaidtheyhadratherthanhaveitsupposedthatnoonehadaninclinationforthem.OneortwoshowedsignsofbeingwillingtostartaflirtationwithPhilip,andhewatchedtheirmanoeuvreswithgraveamusement.Hehadhadenoughoflove-makingforsometime;andhewasnearlyalwaystiredandoftenhungry.