Chapter 120

PhilipsleptlikealogandawokewithastarttofindHaroldticklinghisfacewithafeather.Therewasashoutofdelightwhenheopenedhiseyes.Hewasdrunkenwithsleep.

“Comeon,lazybones,”saidJane.“Sallysaysshewon’twaitforyouunlessyouhurryup.”

Thenherememberedwhathadhappened.Hisheartsank,and,halfoutofbedalready,hestopped;hedidnotknowhowhewasgoingtofaceher;hewasoverwhelmedwithasuddenrushofself-reproach,andbitterly,bitterly,heregrettedwhathehaddone.Whatwouldshesaytohimthatmorning?Hedreadedmeetingher,andheaskedhimselfhowhecouldhavebeensuchafool.Butthechildrengavehimnotime;Edwardtookhisbathing-drawersandhistowel,Athelstantorethebed-clothesaway;andinthreeminutestheyallclattereddownintotheroad.Sallygavehimasmile.Itwasassweetandinnocentasithadeverbeen.

“Youdotakeatimetodressyourself,”shesaid.“Ithoughtyouwasnevercoming.”

Therewasnotaparticleofdifferenceinhermanner.Hehadexpectedsomechange,subtleorabrupt;hefanciedthattherewouldbeshameinthewayshetreatedhim,oranger,orperhapssomeincreaseoffamiliarity;buttherewasnothing.Shewasexactlythesameasbefore.Theywalkedtowardstheseaalltogether,talkingandlaughing;andSallywasquiet,butshewasalwaysthat,reserved,buthehadneverseenherotherwise,andgentle.Sheneithersoughtconversationwithhimnoravoidedit.Philipwasastounded.Hehadexpectedtheincidentofthenightbeforetohavecausedsomerevolutioninher,butitwasjustasthoughnothinghadhappened;itmighthavebeenadream;andashewalkedalong,alittlegirlholdingontoonehandandalittleboytotheother,whilehechattedasunconcernedlyashecould,hesoughtforanexplanation.HewonderedwhetherSallymeanttheaffairtobeforgotten.Perhapshersenseshadrunawaywithherjustashishad,and,treatingwhathadoccurredasanaccidentduetounusualcircumstances,itmightbethatshehaddecidedtoputthematteroutofhermind.Itwasascribingtoherapowerofthoughtandamaturewisdomwhichfittedneitherwithheragenorwithhercharacter.Butherealisedthatheknewnothingofher.Therehadbeeninheralwayssomethingenigmatic.

Theyplayedleap-froginthewater,andthebathewasasuproariousasonthepreviousday.Sallymotheredthemall,keepingawatchfuleyeonthem,andcallingtothemwhentheywentouttoofar.Sheswamstaidlybackwardsandforwardswhiletheothersgotuptotheirlarks,andnowandthenturnedonherbacktofloat.Presentlyshewentoutandbegandryingherself;shecalledtotheothersmoreorlessperemptorily,andatlastonlyPhilipwasleftinthewater.Hetooktheopportunitytohaveagoodhardswim.Hewasmoreusedtothecoldwaterthissecondmorning,andherevelledinitssaltfreshness;itrejoicedhimtousehislimbsfreely,andhecoveredthewaterwithlong,firmstrokes.ButSally,withatowelroundher,wentdowntothewater’sedge.

“You’retocomeoutthisminute,Philip,”shecalled,asthoughhewereasmallboyunderhercharge.

Andwhen,smilingwithamusementatherauthoritativeway,hecametowardsher,sheupbraidedhim.

“Itisnaughtyofyoutostayinsolong.Yourlipsarequiteblue,andjustlookatyourteeth,they’rechattering.”

“Allright.I’llcomeout.”

Shehadnevertalkedtohiminthatmannerbefore.Itwasasthoughwhathadhappenedgaveherasortofrightoverhim,andshelookeduponhimasachildtobecaredfor.Inafewminutestheyweredressed,andtheystartedtowalkback.Sallynoticedhishands.

“Justlook,they’requiteblue.”

“Oh,that’sallright.It’sonlythecirculation.Ishallgetthebloodbackinaminute.”

“Givethemtome.”

Shetookhishandsinhersandrubbedthem,firstoneandthentheother,tillthecolourreturned.Philip,touchedandpuzzled,watchedher.Hecouldnotsayanythingtoheronaccountofthechildren,andhedidnotmeethereyes;buthewassuretheydidnotavoid

hispurposely,itjusthappenedthattheydidnotmeet.Andduringthedaytherewasnothinginherbehaviourtosuggestaconsciousnessinherthatanythinghadpassedbetweenthem.Perhapsshewasalittlemoretalkativethanusual.Whentheywereallsittingagaininthehop-fieldshetoldhermotherhownaughtyPhiliphadbeeninnotcomingoutofthewatertillhewasbluewithcold.Itwasincredible,andyetitseemedthattheonlyeffectoftheincidentofthenightbeforewastoarouseinherafeelingofprotectiontowardshim:shehadthesameinstinctivedesiretomotherhimasshehadwithregardtoherbrothersandsisters.

Itwasnottilltheeveningthathefoundhimselfalonewithher.Shewascookingthesupper,andPhilipwassittingonthegrassbythesideofthefire.Mrs.Athelnyhadgonedowntothevillagetodosomeshopping,andthechildrenwerescatteredinvariouspursuitsoftheirown.Philiphesitatedtospeak.Hewasverynervous.Sallyattendedtoherbusinesswithserenecompetenceandsheacceptedplacidlythesilencewhichtohimwassoembarrassing.Hedidnotknowhowtobegin.Sallyseldomspokeunlessshewasspokentoorhadsomethingparticulartosay.Atlasthecouldnotbearitanylonger.

“You’renotangrywithme,Sally?”heblurtedoutsuddenly.

Sheraisedhereyesquietlyandlookedathimwithoutemotion.

“Me?No.WhyshouldIbe?”

Hewastakenabackanddidnotreply.Shetookthelidoffthepot,stirredthecontents,andputitonagain.Asavourysmellspreadovertheair.Shelookedathimoncemore,withaquietsmilewhichbarelyseparatedherlips;itwasmoreasmileoftheeyes.

“Ialwayslikedyou,”shesaid.

Hisheartgaveagreatthumpagainsthisribs,andhefeltthebloodrushingtohischeeks.Heforcedafaintlaugh.

“Ididn’tknowthat.”

“That’sbecauseyou’reasilly.”

“Idon’tknowwhyyoulikedme.”

“Idon’teither.”Sheputalittlemorewoodonthefire.“IknewIlikedyouthatdayyoucamewhenyou’dbeensleepingoutandhadn’thadanythingtoeat,d’youremember?Andmeandmother,wegotThorpy’sbedreadyforyou.”

Heflushedagain,forhedidnotknowthatshewasawareofthatincident.Herememberedithimselfwithhorrorandshame.

“That’swhyIwouldn’thaveanythingtodowiththeothers.Yourememberthatyoungfellowmotherwantedmetohave?Ilethimcometoteabecausehebotheredso,butIknewI’dsayno.”

Philipwassosurprisedthathefoundnothingtosay.Therewasaqueerfeelinginhisheart;hedidnotknowwhatitwas,unlessitwashappiness.Sallystirredthepotoncemore.

“Iwishthosechildrenwouldmakehasteandcome.Idon’tknowwherethey’vegotto.Supper’sreadynow.”

“ShallIgoandseeifIcanfindthem?”saidPhilip.

Itwasarelieftotalkaboutpracticalthings.

“Well,itwouldn’tbeabadidea,ImustsayThere’smothercoming.”

Then,ashegotup,shelookedathimwithoutembarrassment.

“ShallIcomeforawalkwithyoutonightwhenI’veputthechildrentobed?”

“Yes.”

“Well,youwaitformedownbythestile,andI’llcomewhenI’mready.”

Hewaitedunderthestars,sittingonthestile,andthehedgeswiththeirripeningblackberrieswerehighoneachsideofhim.Fromtheearthroserichscentsofthenight,andtheairwassoftandstill.Hisheartwasbeatingmadly.Hecouldnotunderstandanythingofwhathappenedtohim.Heassociatedpassionwithcriesandtearsandvehemence,andtherewasnothingofthisinSally;buthedidnotknowwhatelsebutpassioncouldhavecausedhertogiveherself.Butpassionforhim?Hewouldnothavebeensurprisedifshehadfallentohercousin,PeterGann,tall,spare,andstraight,withhissunburnedfaceandlong,easystride.Philipwonderedwhatshesawinhim.Hedidnotknowifshelovedhimashereckonedlove.Andyet?Hewasconvincedofherpurity.Hehadavagueinklingthatmanythingshadcombined,thingsthatshefeltthoughwasunconsciousof,theintoxicationoftheairandthehopsandthenight,thehealthyinstinctsofthenaturalwoman,atendernessthatoverflowed,andanaffectionthathadinitsomethingmaternalandsomethingsisterly;andshegaveallshehadtogivebecauseherheartwasfullofcharity.

Heheardastepontheroad,andafigurecameoutofthedarkness.

“Sally,”hemurmured.

Shestoppedandcametothestile,andwithhercamesweet,cleanodoursofthecountry-side.Sheseemedtocarrywithherscentsofthenew-mownhay,andthesavourofripehops,andthefreshnessofyounggrass.Herlipsweresoftandfullagainsthis,andherlovely,strongbodywasfirmwithinhisarms.

“Milkandhoney,”hesaid.“You’relikemilkandhoney.”

Hemadeherclosehereyesandkissedhereyelids,firstoneandthentheother.Herarm,strongandmuscular,wasbaretotheelbow;hepassedhishandoveritandwonderedatitsbeauty;itgleamedinthedarkness;shehadtheskinthatRubenspainted,astonishinglyfairandtransparent,andononesidewerelittlegoldenhairs.ItwasthearmofaSaxongoddess;butnoimmortalhadthatexquisite,homelynaturalness;andPhilipthoughtofacottagegardenwiththedearflowerswhichbloominallmen’shearts,ofthehollyhockandtheredandwhiterosewhichiscalledYorkandLancaster,andoflove—in-a-mistandSweetWilliam,andhoneysuckle,larkspur,andLondonPride.

“Howcanyoucareforme?”hesaid.“I’minsignificantandcrippledandordinaryandugly.”

Shetookhisfaceinbothherhandsandkissedhislips.

“You’reanoldsilly,that’swhatyouare,”shesaid.