CHAPTER 15

Anselmowascrouchedintheleeofthetrunkofabigtreeandthesnowblewpastoneitherside.Hewaspressedcloseagainstthetreeandhishandswereinsideofthesleevesofhisjacket,eachhandshovedupintotheoppositesleeve,andhisheadwaspulledasfardownintothejacketasitwouldgo.IfIstayheremuchlongerIwillfreeze,hethought,andthatwillbeofnovalue.TheInglétoldmetostayuntilIwasrelievedbuthedidnotknowthenaboutthisstorm.TherehasbeennoabnormalmovementontheroadandIknowthedispositionsandthehabitsofthispostatthesawmillacrosstheroad.Ishouldgonowtothecamp.Anybodywithsensewouldbeexpectingmetoreturntothecamp.Iwillstayalittlelonger,hethought,andthengotothecamp.Itisthefaultoftheorders,whicharetoorigid.Thereisnoallowanceforachangeincircumstance.Herubbedhisfeettogetherandthentookhishandsoutofthejacketsleevesandbentoverandrubbedhislegswiththemandpattedhisfeettogethertokeepthecirculationgoing.Itwaslesscoldthere,outofthewindintheshelterofthetree,buthewouldhavetostartwalkingshortly.

Ashecrouched,rubbinghisfeet,heheardamotorcarontheroad.Ithadonchainsandonelinkofchainwasslappingand,asheWatched,itcameupthesnow-coveredroad,greenandbrownpainted,inbrokenpatchesofdaubedcolor,thewindowsbluedoversothatyoucouldnotseein,withonlyahalfcircleleftclearinthebluefortheoccupantstolookoutthrough.Itwasatwo-year-oldRolls-RoycetowncarcamouflagedfortheuseoftheGeneralStaffbutAnselmodidnotknowthat.Hecouldnotseeintothecarwherethreeofficerssatwrappedintheircapes.Twowereonthebackseatandonesatonthefoldingchair.TheofficeronthefoldingchairwaslookingoutoftheslitintheblueofthewindowasthecarpassedbutAnselmodidnotknowthis.Neitherofthemsawtheother.

Thecarpassedinthesnowdirectlybelowhim.Anselmosawthechauffeur,redfacedandsteel-helmeted,hisfaceandhelmetprojectingoutoftheblanketcapeheworeandhesawtheforwardjutoftheautomaticrifletheorderlywhosatbesidethechauffeurcarried.ThenthecarwasgoneuptheroadandAnselmoreachedintotheinsideofhisjacketandtookoutfromhisshirtpocketthetwosheetstornfromRobertJordan’snotebookandmadeamarkafterthedrawingofamotorcar.Itwasthetenthcarupfortheday.Sixhadcomedown.Fourwerestillup.ItwasnotanunusualamountofcarstomoveuponthatroadbutAnselmodidnotdistinguishbetweentheFords,Fiats,Opels,Renaults,andCitroensofthestaffoftheDivisionthatheldthepassesandthelineofthemountainandtheRolls-Royces,Lancias,Mercedes,andIsottasoftheGeneralStaff.ThiswasthesortofdistinctionthatRobertJordanshouldhavemadeand,ifhehadbeenthereinsteadoftheoldman,hewouldhaveappreciatedthesignificanceofthesecarswhichhadgoneup.Buthewasnotthereandtheoldmansimplymadeamarkforamotorcargoinguptheroad,onthesheetofnotepaper.

Anselmowasnowsocoldthathedecidedhehadbestgotocampbeforeitwasdark.Hehadnofearofmissingtheway,buthethoughtitwasuselesstostaylongerandthewindwasblowingcolderallthetimeandtherewasnolesseningofthesnow.Butwhenhestoodupandstampedhisfeetandlookedthroughthedrivingsnowattheroadhedidnotstartoffupthehillsidebutstayedleaningagainsttheshelteredsideofthepinetree.

TheInglétoldmetostay,hethought.Evennowhemaybeonthewayhereand,ifIleavethisplace,hemaylosehimselfinthesnowsearchingforme.AllthroughthiswarwehavesufferedfromalackofdisciplineandfromthedisobeyingofordersandIwillwaitawhilestillfortheInglé.ButifhedoesnotcomesoonImustgoinspiteofallordersforIhaveareporttomakenow,andIhavemuchtodointhesedays,andtofreezehereisanexaggerationandwithoututility.

AcrosstheroadatthesawmillsmokewascomingoutofthechimneyandAnselmocouldsmellitblowntowardhimthroughthesnow.Thefascistsarewarm,hethought,andtheyarecomfortable,andtomorrownightwewillkillthem.ItisastrangethingandIdonotliketothinkofit.Ihavewatchedthemalldayandtheyarethesamementhatweare.IbelievethatIcouldwalkuptothemillandknockonthedoorandIwouldbewelcomeexceptthattheyhaveorderstochallengealltravellersandasktoseetheirpapers.Itisonlyordersthatcomebetweenus.Thosemenarenotfascists.Icallthemso,buttheyarenot.Theyarepoormenasweare.TheyshouldneverbefightingagainstusandIdonotliketothinkofthekilling.

TheseatthispostareGallegos.Iknowthatfromhearingthemtalkthisafternoon.Theycannotdesertbecauseiftheydotheirfamilieswillbeshot.Gallegosareeitherveryintelligentorverydumbandbrutal.Ihaveknownbothkinds.ListerisaGallegofromthesametownasFranco.IwonderwhattheseGallegosthinkofthissnownowatthistimeofyear.Theyhavenohighmountainssuchastheseandintheircountryitalwaysrainsanditisalwaysgreen.

AlightshowedinthewindowofthesawmillandAnselmoshiveredandthought,damnthatInglé!TherearetheGallegoswarmandinahousehereinourcountry,andIamfreezingbehindatreeandweliveinaholeintherockslikebeastsinthemountain.Buttomorrow,hethought,thebeastswillcomeoutoftheirholeandthesethatarenowsocomfortablewilldiewarmintheirblankets.AsthosediedinthenightwhenweraidedOtero,hethought.HedidnotliketorememberOtero.

InOtero,thatnight,waswhenhefirstkilledandhehopedhewouldnothavetokillinthisofthesuppressingoftheseposts.ItwasinOterothatPabloknifedthesentrywhenAnselmopulledtheblanketoverhisheadandthesentrycaughtAnselmo’sfootandheldit,smotheredashewasintheblanket,andmadeacryingnoiseintheblanketandAnselmohadtofeelintheblanketandknifehimuntilheletgoofthefootandwasstill.Hehadhiskneeacrosstheman’sthroattokeephimsilentandhewasknifingintothebundlewhenPablotossedthebombthroughthewindowintotheroomwherethemenofthepostwereallsleeping.Andwhentheflashcameitwasasthoughthewholeworldburstredandyellowbeforeyoureyesandtwomorebombswereinalready.Pablohadpulledthepinsandtossedthemquicklythroughthewindow,andthosewhowerenotkilledintheirbedswerekilledastheyrosefrombedwhenthesecondbombexploded.ThatwasinthegreatdaysofPablowhenhescourgedthecountrylikeatartarandnofascistpostwassafeatnight.

Andnow,heisasfinishedandasendedasaboarthathasbeenaltered,Anselmothought,and,whenthealteringhasbeenaccomplishedandthesquealingisoveryoucastthetwostonesawayandtheboar,thatisaboarnolonger,goessnoutingandrootinguptothemandeatsthem.No,heisnotthatbad,Anselmogrinned,onecanthinktoobadlyevenofPablo.Butheisuglyenoughandchangedenough.

Itistoocold,hethought.ThattheIngléshouldcomeandthatIshouldnothavetokillinthisoftheposts.ThesefourGallegosandtheircorporalareforthosewholikethekilling.TheInglésaidthat.IwilldoitifitismydutybuttheInglésaidthatIwouldbewithhimatthebridgeandthatthiswouldbelefttoothers.Atthebridgetherewillbeabattleand,ifIamabletoendurethebattle,thenIwillhavedoneallthatanoldmanmaydointhiswar.ButlettheInglécomenow,forIamcoldandtoseethelightinthemillwhereIknowthattheGallegosarewarmmakesmecolderstill.IwishthatIwereinmyownhouseagainandthatthiswarwereover.Butyouhavenohousenow,hethought.Wemustwinthiswarbeforeyoucaneverreturntoyourhouse.

Insidethesawmilloneofthesoldierswassittingonhisbunkandgreasinghisboots.Anotherlayinhisbunksleeping.Thethirdwascookingandthecorporalwasreadingapaper.Theirhelmetshungonnailsdrivenintothewallandtheirriflesleanedagainsttheplankwall.

“WhatkindofcountryisthiswhereitsnowswhenitisalmostJune?”thesoldierwhowassittingonthebunksaid.

“Itisaphenomenon,”thecorporalsaid.

“WeareinthemoonofMay,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“ThemoonofMayhasnotyetterminated.”

“WhatkindofacountryisitwhereitsnowsinMay?”thesoldieronthebunkinsisted.

“InMaysnowisnorarityinthesemountains,”thecorporalsaid.“IhavebeencolderinMadridinthemonthofMaythaninanyothermonth.”

“Andhotter,too,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.

“Mayisamonthofgreatcontrastsintemperature,”thecorporalsaid.“Here,inCastile,Mayisamonthofgreatheatbutitcanhavemuchcold.”

“Orrain,”thesoldieronthebunksaid.“InthispastMayitrainedalmosteveryday.”

“Itdidnot,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“AndanywaythispastMaywasthemoonofApril.”

“Onecouldgocrazylisteningtotheeandthymoons,”thecorporalsaid.“Leavethisofthemoonsalone.”

“Anyonewholiveseitherbytheseaorbythelandknowsthatitisthemoonandnotthemonthwhichcounts,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“Nowforexample,wehavejuststartedthemoonofMay.YetitiscomingonJune.”

“Whythendowenotgetdefinitelybehindintheseasons?”thecorporalsaid.“Thewholepropositiongivesmeaheadache.”

“Youarefromatown,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“YouarefromLugo.Whatwouldyouknowoftheseaoroftheland?”

“Onelearnsmoreinatownthanyouanalfabetoslearninthyseaorthyland.”

“Inthismoonthefirstofthebigschoolsofsardinescome,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“Inthismoonthesardineboatswillbeoutfittingandthemackerelwillhavegonenorth.”

“WhyareyounotinthenavyifyoucomefromNoya?”thecorporalasked.

“BecauseIamnotinscribedfromNoyabutfromNegreira,whereIwasborn.AndfromNegreira,whichisuptheriverTambre,theytakeyouforthearmy.”

“Worseluck,”saidthecorporal.

“Donotthinkthenavyiswithoutperil,”thesoldierwhowassittingonthebunksaid.“Evenwithoutthepossibilityofcombatthatisadangerouscoastinthewinter.”

“Nothingcanbeworsethanthearmy,”thecorporalsaid.

“Andyouacorporal,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“Whatawayofspeakingisthat?”

“Nay,”thecorporalsaid.“Imeanfordangers.Imeantheenduranceofbombardments,thenecessitytoattack,thelifeoftheparapet.”

“Herewehavelittleofthat,”thesoldieronthebunksaid.

“BytheGraceofGod,”thecorporalsaid.“Butwhoknowswhenwewillbesubjecttoitagain?Certainlywewillnothavesomethingaseasyasthisforever!”

“Howmuchlongerdoyouthinkwewillhavethisdetail?”

“Idon’tknow,”thecorporalsaid.“ButIwishwecouldhaveitforallofthewar.”

“Sixhoursistoolongtobeonguard,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.

“Wewillhavethree-hourwatchesaslongasthisstormholds,”thecorporalsaid.“Thatisonlynormal.”

“Whataboutallthosestaffcars?”thesoldieronthebunkasked.“Ididnotlikethelookofallthosestaffcars.”

“NorI,”thecorporalsaid.“Allsuchthingsareofevilomen.”

“Andaviation,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“Aviationisanotherbadsign.”

“Butwehaveformidableaviation,”thecorporalsaid.“TheRedshavenoaviationsuchaswehave.Thoseplanesthismorningweresomethingtomakeanymanhappy.”

“IhaveseentheRedplaneswhentheyweresomethingserious,”thesoldieronthebunksaid.“Ihaveseenthosetwomotorbomberswhentheywereahorrortoendure.”

“Yes.Buttheyarenotasformidableasouraviation,”thecorporalsaid.“Wehaveanaviationthatisinsuperable.”

ThiswashowtheyweretalkinginthesawmillwhileAnselmowaitedinthesnowwatchingtheroadandthelightinthesawmillwindow.

IhopeIamnotforthekilling,Anselmowasthinking.Ithinkthatafterthewartherewillhavetobesomegreatpenancedoneforthekilling.IfwenolongerhavereligionafterthewarthenIthinktheremustbesomeformofcivicpenanceorganizedthatallmaybecleansedfromthekillingorelsewewillneverhaveatrueandhumanbasisforliving.Thekillingisnecessary,Iknow,butstillthedoingofitisverybadforamanandIthinkthat,afterallthisisoverandwehavewonthewar,theremustbeapenanceofsomekindforthecleansingofusall.

Anselmowasaverygoodmanandwheneverhewasaloneforlong,andhewasalonemuchofthetime,thisproblemofthekillingreturnedtohim.

IwonderabouttheInglé,hethought.Hetoldmethathedidnotmindit.Yetheseemstobebothsensitiveandkind.Itmaybethatintheyoungerpeopleitdoesnothaveanimportance.Itmaybethatinforeigners,orinthosewhohavenothadourreligion,thereisnotthesameattitude.ButIthinkanyonedoingitwillbebrutalizedintimeandIthinkthateventhoughnecessary,itisagreatsinandthatafterwardswemustdosomethingverystrongtoatoneforit.

Itwasdarknowandhelookedatthelightacrosstheroadandshookhisarmsagainsthischesttowarmthem.Now,hethought,hewouldcertainlyleaveforthecamp;butsomethingkepthimtherebesidethetreeabovetheroad.ItwassnowingharderandAnselmothought:ifonlywecouldblowthebridgetonight.Onanightlikethisitwouldbenothingtotakethepostsandblowthebridgeanditwouldallbeoveranddonewith.Onanightlikethisyoucoulddoanything.

Thenhestoodthereagainstthetreestampinghisfeetsoftlyandhedidnotthinkanymoreaboutthebridge.Thecomingofthedarkalwaysmadehimfeellonelyandtonighthefeltsolonelythattherewasahollownessinhimasofhunger.Intheolddayshecouldhelpthislonelinessbythesayingofprayersandoftencominghomefromhuntinghewouldrepeatagreatnumberofthesameprayeranditmadehimfeelbetter.Buthehadnotprayedoncesincethemovement.Hemissedtheprayersbuthethoughtitwouldbeunfairandhypocriticaltosaythemandhedidnotwishtoaskanyfavorsorforanydifferenttreatmentthanallthemenwerereceiving.

No,hethought,Iamlonely.ButsoareallthesoldiersandtheWivesofallthesoldiersandallthosewhohavelostfamiliesorparents.Ihavenowife,butIamgladthatshediedbeforethemovement.Shewouldnothaveunderstoodit.IhavenochildrenandIneverwillhaveanychildren.IamlonelyinthedaywhenIamnotworkingbutwhenthedarkcomesitisatimeofgreatloneliness.ButonethingIhavethatnomannoranyGodcantakefrommeandthatisthatIhaveworkedwellfortheRepublic.Ihaveworkedhardforthegoodthatwewillallsharelater.IhaveworkedmybestfromthefirstofthemovementandIhavedonenothingthatIamashamedof.

AllthatIamsorryforisthekilling.Butsurelytherewillbeanopportunitytoatoneforthatbecauseforasinofthatsortthatsomanybear,certainlysomejustreliefwillbedevised.IwouldliketotalkwiththeIngléaboutitbut,beingyoung,itispossiblethathemightnotunderstand.Hementionedthekillingbefore.OrwasitIthatmentionedit?Hemusthavekilledmuch,butheshowsnosignsoflikingit.Inthosewholikeitthereisalwaysarottenness.

Itmustreallybeagreatsin,hethought.Becausecertainlyitistheonethingwehavenorighttodoeventhough,asIknow,itisnecessary.ButinSpainitisdonetoolightlyandoftenwithouttruenecessityandthereismuchquickinjusticewhich,afterward,canneverberepaired.IwishIdidnotthinkaboutitsomuch,hethought.IwishtherewereapenanceforitthatonecouldcommencenowbecauseitistheonlythingthatIhavedoneinallmylifethatmakesmefeelbadlywhenIamalone.Alltheotherthingsareforgivenoronehadachancetoatoneforthembykindnessorinsomedecentway.ButIthinkthisofthekillingmustbeaverygreatsinandIwouldliketofixitup.Laterontheremaybecertaindaysthatonecanworkforthestateorsomethingthatonecandothatwillremoveit.ItwillprobablybesomethingthatonepaysasinthedaysoftheChurch,hethought,andsmiled.TheChurchwaswellorganizedforsin.ThatpleasedhimandhewassmilinginthedarkwhenRobertJordancameuptohim.Hecamesilentlyandtheoldmandidnotseehimuntilhewasthere.

“Hola,viejo,”RobertJordanwhisperedandclappedhimontheback.“How’stheoldone?”

“Verycold,”Anselmosaid.Fernandowasstandingalittleapart,hisbackturnedagainstthedrivingsnow.

“Comeon,”RobertJordanwhispered.“Getonuptocampandgetwarm.Itwasacrimetoleaveyouheresolong.”

“Thatistheirlight,”Anselmopointed.

“Where’sthesentry?”

“Youdonotseehimfromhere.Heisaroundthebend.”

“Thehellwiththem,”RobertJordansaid.“Youtellmeatcamp.Comeon,let’sgo.”

“Letmeshowyou,”Anselmosaid.

“I’mgoingtolookatitinthemorning,”RobertJordansaid.“Here,takeaswallowofthis.”

Hehandedtheoldmanhisflask.Anselmotippeditupandswallowed.

“Ayee,”hesaidandrubbedhismouth.“Itisfire.”

“Comeon,”RobertJordansaidinthedark.“Letusgo.”

Itwassodarknowyoucouldonlyseetheflakesblowingpastandtherigiddarkofthepinetrunks.Fernandowasstandingalittlewayupthehill.LookatthatcigarstoreIndian,RobertJordanthought.IsupposeIhavetoofferhimadrink.

“Hey,Fernando,”hesaidashecameuptohim.“Aswallow?”

“No,”saidFernando.“Thankyou.”

Thankyou,Imean,RobertJordanthought.I’mgladcigarstoreIndiansdon’tdrink.Thereisn’ttoomuchofthatleft.Boy,I’mgladtoseethisoldman,RobertJordanthought.HelookedatAnselmoandthenclappedhimonthebackagainastheystartedupthehill.

“I’mgladtoseeyou,viejo,”hesaidtoAnselmo.“IfIevergetgloomy,whenIseeyouitcheersmeup.Comeon,let’sgetupthere.”

Theyweregoingupthehillinthesnow.

“BacktothepalaceofPablo,”RobertJordansaidtoAnselmo.ItsoundedwonderfulinSpanish.

“ElPalaciodelMiedo,”Anselmosaid.“ThePalaceofFear.”

“Lacuevadeloshuevosperdidos,”RobertJordancappedtheotherhappily.“Thecaveofthelosteggs.”

“Whateggs?”Fernandoasked.

“Ajoke,”RobertJordansaid.“Justajoke.Noteggs,youknow.Theothers.”

“Butwhyaretheylost?”Fernandoasked.

“Idon’tknow,”saidRobertJordan.“Takeabooktotellyou.AskPilar,”thenheputhisarmaroundAnselmo’sshoulderandheldhimtightastheywalkedandshookhim.“Listen,”hesaid.“I’mgladtoseeyou,hear?Youdon’tknowwhatitmeanstofindsomebodyinthiscountryinthesameplacetheywereleft.”

Itshowedwhatconfidenceandintimacyhehadthathecouldsayanythingagainstthecountry.

“Iamgladtoseethee,”Anselmosaid.“ButIwasjustabouttoleave.”

“Likehellyouwouldhave,”RobertJordansaidhappily.“You’dhavefrozenfirst.”

“Howwasitupabove?”Anselmoasked.

“Fine,”saidRobertJordan.“Everythingisfine.”

Hewasveryhappywiththatsudden,rarehappinessthatcancometoanyonewithacommandinarevolutionaryarm;thehappinessoffindingthatevenoneofyourflanksholds.IfbothflankseverheldIsupposeitwouldbetoomuchtotake,hethought.Idon’tknowwhoispreparedtostandthat.Andifyouextendalongaflank,anyflank,iteventuallybecomesoneman.Yes,oneman.Thiswasnottheaxiomhewanted.Butthiswasagoodman.Onegoodman.Youaregoingtobetheleftflankwhenwehavethebattle,hethought.Ibetternottellyouthatyet.It’sgoingtobeanawfullysmallbattle,hethought.Butit’sgoingtobeanawfullygoodone.Well,Ialwayswantedtofightoneonmyown.Ialwayshadanopiniononwhatwaswrongwitheverybodyelse’s,fromAgincourtdown.Iwillhavetomakethisagoodone.Itisgoingtobesmallbutveryselect.IfIhavetodowhatIthinkIwillhavetodoitwillbeveryselectindeed.

“Listen,”hesaidtoAnselmo.“I’mawfullygladtoseeyou.”

“Andmetoseethee,”theoldmansaid.

Astheywentupthehillinthedark,thewindattheirbacks,thestormblowingpastthemastheyclimbed,Anselmodidnotfeellonely.HehadnotbeenlonelysincetheIngléhadclappedhimontheshoulder.TheIngléwaspleasedandhappyandtheyjokedtogether.TheInglésaiditallwentwellandhewasnotworried.Thedrinkinhisstomachwarmedhimandhisfeetwerewarmingnowclimbing.

“Notmuchontheroad,”hesaidtotheInglé.

“Good,”theInglétoldhim.“Youwillshowmewhenwegetthere.”

Anselmowashappynowandhewasverypleasedthathehadstayedthereatthepostofobservation.

Ifhehadcomeintocampitwouldhavebeenallright.Itwouldhavebeentheintelligentandcorrectthingtohavedoneunderthecircumstances,RobertJordanwasthinking.Buthestayedashewastold,RobertJordanthought.That’stherarestthingthatcanhappeninSpain.Tostayinastorm,inaway,correspondstoalotofthings.It’snotfornothingthattheGermanscallanattackastorm.Icouldcertainlyuseacouplemorewhowouldstay.Imostcertainlycould.IwonderifthatFernandowouldstay.It’sjustpossible.Afterall,heistheonewhosuggestedcomingoutjustnow.Doyousupposehewouldstay?Wouldn’tthatbegood?He’sjustaboutstubbornenough.I’llhavetomakesomeinquiries.WonderwhattheoldcigarstoreIndianisthinkingaboutnow.

“Whatareyouthinkingabout,Fernando?”RobertJordanasked.

“Whydoyouask?”

“Curiosity,”RobertJordansaid.“Iamamanofgreatcuriosity.”

“Iwasthinkingofsupper,”Fernandosaid.

“Doyouliketoeat?”

“Yes.Verymuch.”

“How’sPilar’scooking?”

“Average,”Fernandoanswered.

He’sasecondCoolidge,RobertJordanthought.But,youknow,Ihavejustahunchthathewouldstay.

Thethreeofthemploddedupthehillinthesnow.