CHAPTER 37

NowRobertJordanlaywiththegirlandhewatchedtimepassingonhiswrist.Itwentslowly,almostimperceptibly,foritwasasmallwatchandhecouldnotseethesecondhand.Butashewatchedtheminutehandhefoundhecouldalmostcheckitsmotionwithhisconcentration.Thegirl’sheadwasunderhischinandwhenhemovedhisheadtolookatthewatchhefeltthecroppedheadagainsthischeek,anditwasassoftbutasaliveandsilkilyrollingaswhenamarten’sfurrisesunderthecaressofyourhandwhenyouspreadthetrapjawsopenandliftthemartenclearand,holdingit,strokethefursmooth.HisthroatswelledwhenhischeekmovedagainstMaria’shairandtherewasahollowachingfromhisthroatallthroughhimasheheldhisarmsaroundher;hisheaddropped,hiseyesclosetothewatchwherethelancepointed,luminoussplintermovedslowlyuptheleftfaceofthedial.HecouldseeitsmovementclearlyandsteadilynowandheheldMariaclosenowtoslowit.Hedidnotwanttowakeherbuthecouldnotleaveheralonenowinthislasttimeandheputhislipsbehindherearandmovedthemupalongherneck,feelingthesmoothskinandthesofttouchofherhaironthem.Hecouldseethehandmovingonthewatchandheheldhertighterandranthetipofhistonguealonghercheekandontothelobeofherearandalongthelovelyconvolutionstothesweet,firmrimatthetop,andhistonguewastrembling.Hefeltthetremblingrunthroughallofthehollowachingandhesawthehandofthewatchnowmountinginsharpangletowardthetopwherethehourwas.Nowwhileshestillsleptheturnedherheadandputhislipstohers.Theylaythere,justtouchinglightlyagainstthesleep-firmmouthandheswungthemsoftlyacrossit,feelingthembrushlightly.Heturnedhimselftowardherandhefelthershiveralongthelong,lightlovelybodyandthenshesighed,sleeping,andthenshe,stillsleeping,heldhimtooandthen,unsleeping,herlipswereagainsthisfirmandhardandpressingandhesaid,“Butthepain.”

Andshesaid,“Nay,thereisnopain.”

“Rabbit.”

“Nay,speaknot.”

“Myrabbit.”

“Speaknot.Speaknot.”

Thentheyweretogethersothatasthehandonthewatchmoved,unseennow,theyknewthatnothingcouldeverhappentotheonethatdidnothappentotheotherthatnootherthingcouldhappenmorethanthis;thatthiswasallandalways;thiswaswhathadbeenandnowandwhateverwastocome.This,thattheywerenottohave,theywerehaving.Theywerehavingnowandbeforeandalwaysandnowandnowandnow.Oh,now,now,now,theonlynow,andaboveallnow,andthereisnoothernowbutthounowandnowisthyprophet.Nowandforevernow.Comenow,now,forthereisnonowbutnow.Yes,now.Now,pleasenow,onlynow,notanythingelseonlythisnow,andwhereareyouandwhereamIandwhereistheotherone,andnotwhy,noteverwhy,onlythisnow;andonandalwayspleasethenalwaysnow,alwaysnow,fornowalwaysonenow;oneonlyone,thereisnootheronebutonenow,one,goingnow,risingnow,sailingnow,leavingnow,wheelingnow,soaringnow,awaynow,allthewaynow,allofallthewaynow;oneandoneisone,isone,isone,isone,isstillone,isstillone,isonedescendingly,isonesoftly,isonelongingly,isonekindly,isonehappily,isoneingoodness,isonetocherish,isonenowonearthwithelbowsagainstthecutandslept-onbranchesofthepinetreewiththesmellofthepineboughsandthenight;toearthconclusivelynow,andwiththemorningofthedaytocome.Thenhesaid,fortheotherwasonlyinhisheadandhehadsaidnothing,“Oh,Maria,IlovetheeandIthanktheeforthis.”

Mariasaid,“Donotspeak.Itisbetterifwedonotspeak.”

“Imusttelltheeforitisagreatthing.”

“Nay.”

“Rabbit——”

Butsheheldhimtightandturnedherheadawayandheaskedsoftly,“Isitpain,rabbit?”

“Nay,”shesaid.“ItisthatIamthankfultootohavebeenanothertimeinlagloria.”

Thenafterwardstheylayquiet,sidebyside,alllengthofankle,thigh,hipandshouldertouching,RobertJordannowwiththewatchwherehecouldseeitagainandMariasaid,“Wehavehadmuchgoodfortune.”

“Yes,”hesaid,“wearepeopleofmuchluck.”

“Thereisnottimetosleep?”

“No,”hesaid,“itstartssoonnow.”

“Thenifwemustriseletusgotogetsomethingtoeat.”

“Allright.”

“Thou.Thouartnotworriedaboutanything?”

“No.”

“Truly?”

“No.Notnow.”

“Butthouhastworriedbefore?”

“Forawhile.”

“IsitaughtIcanhelp?”

“Nay,”hesaid.“Youhavehelpedenough.”

“That?Thatwasforme.”

“Thatwasforusboth,”hesaid.“Nooneistherealone.Come,rabbit,letusdress.”

Buthismind,thatwashisbestcompanion,wasthinkingLaGloria.ShesaidLaGloria.IthasnothingtodowithglorynorLaGloirethattheFrenchwriteandspeakabout.ItisthethingthatisintheCanteHondoandintheSaetas.ItisinGrecoandinSanJuandelaCruz,ofcourse,andintheothers.Iamnomystic,buttodenyitisasignorantasthoughyoudeniedthetelephoneorthattheearthrevolvesaroundthesunorthatthereareotherplanetsthanthis.

Howlittleweknowofwhatthereistoknow.IwishthatIweregoingtolivealongtimeinsteadofgoingtodietodaybecauseIhavelearnedmuchaboutlifeinthesefourdays;more,Ithink,thaninalltheothertime.I’dliketobeanoldmanandtoreallyknow.Iwonderifyoukeeponlearningorifthereisonlyacertainamounteachmancanunderstand.IthoughtIknewaboutsomanythingsthatIknownothingof.Iwishtherewasmoretime.

“Youtaughtmealot,guapa,”hesaidinEnglish.

“Whatdidyousay?”

“Ihavelearnedmuchfromthee.”

“Quéva,”shesaid,“itisthouwhoarteducated.”

Educated,hethought.Ihavetheverysmallestbeginningsofaneducation.Theverysmallbeginnings.IfIdieonthisdayitisawastebecauseIknowafewthingsnow.Iwonderifyouonlylearnthemnowbecauseyouareoversensitizedbecauseoftheshortnessofthetime?Thereisnosuchthingasashortnessoftime,though.Youshouldhavesenseenoughtoknowthattoo.IhavebeenallmylifeinthesehillssinceIhavebeenhere.Anselmoismyoldestfriend.IknowhimbetterthanIknowCharles,thanIknowChub,thanIknowGuy,thanIknowMike,andIknowthemwell.Agustín,withhisvilemouth,ismybrother,andIneverhadabrother.Mariaismytrueloveandmywife.Ineverhadatruelove.Ineverhadawife.Sheisalsomysister,andIneverhadasister,andmydaughter,andIneverwillhaveadaughter.Ihatetoleaveathingthatissogood.Hefinishedtyinghisrope-soledshoes.

“Ifindlifeveryinteresting,”hesaidtoMaria.Shewassittingbesidehimontherobe,herhandsclaspedaroundherankles.Someonemovedtheblanketasidefromtheentrancetothecaveandtheybothsawthelight.Itwasnightstillandherewasnopromiseofmorningexceptthatashelookedupthroughthepineshesawhowlowthestarshadswung.Themorningwouldbecomingfastnowinthismonth.

“Roberto,”Mariasaid.

“Yes,guapa.”

“Inthisoftodaywewillbetogether,willwenot?”

“Afterthestart,yes.”

“Notatthestart?”

“No.Thouwiltbewiththehorses.”

“Icannotbewiththee?”

“No.IhaveworkthatonlyIcandoandIwouldworryaboutthee.”

“Butyouwillcomefastwhenitisdone?”

“Veryfast,”hesaidandgrinnedinthedark.“Come,guapa,letusgoandeat.”

“Andthyrobe?”

“Rollitup,ifitpleasesthee.”

“Itpleasesme,”shesaid.

“Iwillhelpthee.”

“Nay.Letmedoitalone.”

Sheknelttospreadandrolltherobe,thenchangedhermindandstoodupandshookitsoitflapped.Thenshekneltdownagaintostraightenitandrollit.RobertJordanpickedupthetwopacks,holdingthemcarefullysothatnothingwouldspillfromtheslitsinthem,andwalkedoverthroughthepinestothecavemouthwherethesmokyblankethung.Itwastenminutestothreebyhiswatchwhenhepushedtheblanketasidewithhiselbowandwentintothecave.