CHAPTER 38

TheywereinthecaveandthemenwerestandingbeforethefireMariawasfanning.Pilarhadcoffeereadyinapot.ShehadnotgonebacktobedatallsinceshehadrousedRobertJordanandnowshewassittingonastoolinthesmokycavesewingtheripinoneofJordan’spacks.Theotherpackwasalreadysewed.Thefirelightlitupherface.

“Takemoreofthestew,”shesaidtoFernando.“Whatdoesitmatterifthybellyshouldbefull?Thereisnodoctortooperateifyoutakeagoring.”

“Don’tspeakthatway,woman,”Agustínsaid.“Thouhastthetongueofthegreatwhore.”

Hewasleaningontheautomaticrifle,itslegsfoldedcloseagainstthefrettedbarrel,hispocketswerefullofgrenades,asackofpanshungfromoneshoulder,andafullbandolierofammunitionhungovertheothershoulder.Hewassmokingacigaretteandheheldabowlofcoffeeinonehandandblewsmokeontoitssurfaceasheraisedittohislips.

“Thouartawalkinghardwarestore,”Pilarsaidtohim.“Thoucanstnotwalkahundredyardswithallthat.”

“Quéva,woman,”Agustínsaid.“Itisalldownhill.”

“Thereisaclimbtothepost,”Fernandosaid.“Beforethedownwardslopecommences.”

“Iwillclimbitlikeagoat,”Agustínsaid.

“Andthybrother?”heaskedEladio.“Thyfamousbrotherhasmuckedoff?”

Eladiowasstandingagainstthewall.

“Shutup,”hesaid.

Hewasnervousandheknewtheyallknewit.Hewasalwaysnervousandirritablebeforeaction.Hemovedfromthewalltothetableandbeganfillinghispocketswithgrenadesfromoneoftherawhide-coveredpanniersthatleaned,open,againstthetableleg.

RobertJordansquattedbythepannierbesidehim.Hereachedintothepannierandpickedoutfourgrenades.ThreeweretheovalMillbombtype,serrated,heavyironwithaspringlevelhelddowninpositionbyacotterpinwithpullingrigattached.

“Wheredidthesecomefrom?”heaskedEladio.

“Those?ThosearefromtheRepublic.Theoldmanbroughtthem.”

“Howarethey?”

“Valenmásquepesan,”Eladiosaid.“Theyareworthafortuneapiece.”

“Ibroughtthose,”Anselmosaid.“Sixtyinonepack.Ninetypounds,Inglé.”

“Haveyouusedthose?”RobertJordanaskedPilar.

““Quéva,haveweusedthem?”thewomansaid.“ItwaswiththosePabloslewthepostatOtero.”

WhenshementionedPablo,Agustínstartedcursing.RobertJordansawthelookonPilar’sfaceinthefirelight.

“Leaveit,”shesaidtoAgustínsharply.“Itdoesnogoodtotalk.”

“Havetheyalwaysexploded?”RobertJordanheldthegraypaintedgrenadeinhishand,tryingthebendofthecotterpinwithhisthumbnail.

“Always,”Eladiosaid.“Therewasnotadudinanyofthatlotweused.”

“Andhowquickly?”

“Inthedistanceonecanthrowit.Quickly.Quicklyenough.”

“Andthese?”

Heheldupasoup-tin-shapedbomb,withatapewrappingaroundawireloop.

“Theyareagarbage,”Eladiotoldhim.“Theyblow.Yes.Butitisallflashandnofragments.”

“Butdotheyalwaysblow?”

“Quéva,always,”Pilarsaid.“Thereisnoalwayseitherwithourmunitionsortheirs.”

“Butyousaidtheotheralwaysblew.”

“Notme,”Pilartoldhim.“Youaskedanother,notme.Ihaveseennoalwaysinanyofthatstuff.”

“Theyallblew,”Eladioinsisted.“Speakthetruth,woman.”

“Howdoyouknowtheyallblew?”Pilaraskedhim.“ItwasPablowhothrewthem.YoukillednooneatOtero.”

“Thatsonofthegreatwhore,”Agustínbegan.

“Leaveitalone,”Pilarsaidsharply.Thenshewenton.“Theyareallmuchthesame,Inglé.Butthecorrugatedonesaremoresimple.”

I’dbetteruseoneofeachoneachset,RobertJordanthought.Buttheserratedtypewilllasheasierandmoresecurely.

“Areyougoingtobethrowingbombs,Inglés?”Agustínasked.

“Whynot?”RobertJordansaid.

Butcrouchedthere,sortingoutthegrenades,whathewasthinkingwas:itisimpossible.HowIcouldhavedeceivedmyselfaboutitIdonotknow.WewereassunkwhentheyattackedSordoasSordowassunkwhenthesnowstopped.Itisthatyoucan’tacceptit.Youhavetogoonandmakeaplanthatyouknowisimpossibletocarryout.Youmadeitandnowyouknowitisnogood.It’snogood,now,inthemorning.YoucantakeeitherofthepostsabsolutelyO.K.withwhatyou’vegothere.Butyoucan’ttakethemboth.Youcan’tbesureofit,Imean.Don’tdeceiveyourself.Notwhenthedaylightcomes.

Tryingtotakethembothwillneverwork.Pabloknewthatallthetime.IsupposehealwaysintendedtomuckoffbutheknewwewerecookedwhenSordowasattacked.Youcan’tbaseanoperationonthepresumptionthatmiraclesaregoingtohappen.Youwillkillthemalloffandnotevengetyourbridgeblownifyouhavenothingbetterthanwhatyouhavenow.YouwillkilloffPilar,Anselmo,Agustín,Primitivo,thisjumpyEladio,theworthlessgypsyandoldFernando,andyouwon’tgetyourbridgeblown.DoyousupposetherewillbeamiracleandGolzwillgetthemessagefromAndréandstopit?Ifthereisn’t,youaregoingtokillthemalloffwiththoseorders.Mariatoo.You’llkillhertoowiththoseorders.Can’tyouevengetheroutofit?GoddamnPablotohell,hethought.

No.Don’tgetangry.Gettingangryisasbadasgettingscared.Butinsteadofsleepingwithyourgirlyoushouldhaveriddenallnightthroughthesehillswiththewomantotrytodigupenoughpeopletomakeitwork.Yes,hethought.AndifanythinghappenedtomesoIwasnotheretoblowit.Yes.That.That’swhyyouweren’tout.Andyoucouldn’tsendanybodyoutbecauseyoucouldn’trunachanceoflosingthemandbeingshortonemore.Youhadtokeepwhatyouhadandmakeaplantodoitwiththem.

Butyourplanstinks.Itstinks,Itellyou.Itwasanightplanandit’smorningnow.Nightplansaren’tanygoodinthemorning.Thewayyouthinkatnightisnogoodinthemorning.Sonowyouknowitisnogood.

WhatifJohnMosbydidgetawaywiththingsasimpossibleasthis?Surehedid.Muchmoredifficult.Andremember,donotundervaluatetheelementofsurprise.Rememberthat.Rememberitisn’tgoofyifyoucanmakeitstick.Butthatisnotthewayyouaresupposedtomakeit.Youshouldmakeitnotonlypossiblebutsure.Butlookathowitallhasgone.Well,itwaswronginthefirstplaceandsuchthingsaccentuatedisasterasasnowballrollsupwetsnow.

HelookedupfromwherehewassquattedbythetableandsawMariaandshesmiledathim.Hegrinnedbackwiththefrontofhisfaceandselectedfourmoregrenadesandputtheminhispockets.Icouldunscrewthedetonatorsandjustusethem,hethought.ButIdon’tthinkthefragmentationwillhaveanybadeffect.Itwillcomeinstantaneouslywiththeexplosionofthechargeanditwon’tdisperseit.Atleast,Idon’tthinkitwill.I’msureitwon’t.Havealittleconfidence,hetoldhimself.Andyou,lastnight,thinkingabouthowyouandyourgrandfatherweresoterrificandyourfatherwasacoward.Showyourselfalittleconfidencenow.

HegrinnedatMariaagainbutthegrinwasstillnodeeperthantheskinthatfelttightoverhischeekbonesandhismouth.

Shethinksyou’rewonderful,hethought.Ithinkyoustink.Andthegloriaandallthatnonsensethatyouhad.Youhadwonderfulideas,didn’tyou?Youhadthisworldalltaped,didn’tyou?Thehellwithallofthat.

Takeiteasy,hetoldhimself.Don’tgetintoarage.That’sjustawayouttoo.Therearealwayswaysout.You’vegottobiteonthenailnow.Thereisn’tanyneedtodenyeverythingthere’sbeenjustbecauseyouaregoingtoloseit.Don’tbelikesomedamnedsnakewithabrokenbackbitingatitself;andyourbackisn’tbrokeneither,youhound.Waituntilyou’rehurtbeforeyoustarttocry.Waituntilthefightbeforeyougetangry.There’slotsoftimeforitinafight.Itwillbesomeusetoyouinafight.

Pilarcameovertohimwiththebag.

“Itisstrongnow,”shesaid.“Thosegrenadesareverygood,Inglé.Youcanhaveconfidenceinthem.”

“Howdoyoufeel,woman?”

Shelookedathimandshookherheadandsmiled.Hewonderedhowfarintoherfacethesmilewent.Itlookeddeepenough.

“Good,”shesaid.“Dentrodelagravedad.”

Thenshesaid,squattingbyhim,“Howdoesitseemtotheenowthatitisreallystarting?”

“Thatwearefew,”RobertJordansaidtoherquickly.

“Tome,too,”shesaid.“Veryfew.”

Thenshesaidstilltohimalone,“TheMariacanholdthehorsesbyherself.Iamnotneededforthat.Wewillhobblethem.Theyarecavalryhorsesandthefiringwillnotpanicthem.IwillgotothelowerpostanddothatwhichwasthedutyofPablo.Inthiswayweareonemore.”

“Good,”hesaid.“Ithoughtyoumightwishto.”

“Nay,Inglés,”Pilarsaid，lookingathimclosely.“Donotbeworried.Allwillbewell.Remembertheyexpectnosuchthingtocometothem.”

“Yes,”RobertJordansaid.

“Oneotherthing,Inglés,”Pilarsaidassoftlyasherharshwhispercouldbesoft.“Inthatthingofthehand——”

“Whatthingofthehand?”hesaidangrily.

“Nay,listen.Donotbeangry,littleboy.Inregardtothatthingofthehand.ThatisallgypsynonsensethatImaketogivemyselfanimportance.Thereisnosuchthing.”

“Leaveitalone,”hesaidcoldly.

“Nay,”shesaidharshlyandlovingly.“ItisjustalyingnonsensethatImake.Iwouldnothavetheeworryinthedayofbattle.”

“Iamnotworried,”RobertJordansaid.

“Yes,Inglés,”shesaid.“Thouartveryworried,forgoodcause.Butallwillbewell,Inglé.Itisforthisthatweareborn.”

“Idon’tneedapoliticalcommissar,”RobertJordantoldher.

Shesmiledathimagain,smilingfairlyandtrulywiththeharshlipsandthewidemouth,andsaid,“Icarefortheeverymuch,Inglé.”

“Idon’twantthatnow,”hesaid.“Nitu,niDios.”

“Yes,”Pilarsaidinthathuskywhisper.“Iknow.Ionlywishedtotellthee.Anddonotworry.Wewilldoallverywell.”

“Whynot?”RobertJordansaidandtheverythinnestedgeoftheskininfrontofhisfacesmiled.“Ofcoursewewill.Allwillbewell.”

“Whendowego?”Pilarasked.

RobertJordanlookedathiswatch.

“Anytime,”hesaid.

HehandedoneofthepackstoAnselmo.

“Howareyoudoing,oldone?”heasked.

TheoldmanwasfinishingwhittlingthelastofapileofwedgeshehadcopiedfromamodelRobertJordanhadgivenhim.Thesewereextrawedgesincasetheyshouldbeneeded.

“Well,”theoldmansaidandnodded.“Sofar,verywell.”Heheldhishandout.“Look,”hesaidandsmiled.Hishandswereperfectlysteady.

“Bueno,yqué?”RobertJordansaidtohim.“Icanalwayskeepthewholehandsteady.Pointwithonefinger.”

Anselmopointed.Thefingerwastrembling.HelookedatRobertJordanandshookhishead.

“Minetoo,”RobertJordanshowedhim.“Always.Thatisnormal.”

“Notforme,”Fernandosaid.Heputhisrightforefingerouttoshowthem.Thentheleftforefinger.

“Canstthouspit?”AgustínaskedhimandwinkedatRobertJordan.

Fernandohawkedandspatproudlyontothefloorofthecave,thenrubbeditinthedirtwithhisfoot.

“Youfilthymule,”Pilarsaidtohim.“Spitinthefireifthoumustvauntthycourage.”

“Iwouldnothavespatonthefloor,Pilar,ifwewerenotleavingthisplace,”Fernandosaidprimly.

“Becarefulwhereyouspittoday,”Pilartoldhim.“Itmaybesomeplaceyouwillnotbeleaving.”

“Thatonespeakslikeablackcat,”Agustínsaid.Hehadthenervousnecessitytojokethatisanotherformofwhattheyallfelt.

“Ijoke,”saidPilar.

“Metoo,”saidAgustín.“Butmecagoenlaleche,butIwillbecontentwhenitstarts.”

“Whereisthegypsy?”RobertJordanaskedEladio.

“Withthehorses,”Eladiosaid.“Youcanseehimfromthecavemouth.”

“Howishe?”

Eladiogrinned.“Withmuchfear,”hesaid.Itreassuredhimtospeakofthefearofanother.

“Listen,Inglé——”Pilarbegan.RobertJordanlookedtowardherandashedidhesawhermouthopenandtheunbelievinglookcomeonherfaceandheswungtowardthecavemouthreachingforhispistol.There,holdingtheblanketasidewithonehand,theshortautomaticriflemuzzlewithitsflash-conejuttingabovehisshoulder,wasPablostandingshort,wide,bristly-faced,hissmallred-rimmedeyeslookingtowardnooneinparticular.

“Thou——”Pilarsaidtohimunbelieving.“Thou.”

“Me,”saidPabloevenly.Hecameintothecave.

“Hola,Inglé,”hesaid.“IhavefivefromthebandsofEliasandAlejandroabovewiththeirhorses.”

“Andtheexploderandthedetonators?”RobertJordansaid.“Andtheothermaterial?”

“Ithrewthemdownthegorgeintotheriver,”Pablosaidstilllookingatnoone.“ButIhavethoughtofawaytodetonateusingagrenade.”

“SohaveI,”RobertJordansaid.

“Haveyouadrinkofanything?”Pabloaskedwearily.

RobertJordanhandedhimtheflaskandheswallowedfast,thenwipedhismouthonthebackofhishand.

“Whatpasseswithyou?”Pilarasked.

“Nada,”Pablosaid,wipinghismouthagain.“Nothing.Ihavecomeback.”

“Butwhat?”

“Nothing.Ihadamomentofweakness.IwentawaybutIamcomeback.”

HeturnedtoRobertJordan.“Enelfondonosoycobarde,”hesaid.“AtbottomIamnotacoward.”

Butyouareverymanyotherthings,RobertJordanthought.Damnedifyou’renot.ButI’mgladtoseeyou,yousonofabitch.

“FivewasallIcouldgetfromEliasandAlejandro,”Pablosaid.“IhaveriddensinceIlefthere.Nineofyoucouldneverhavedoneit.Never.IknewthatlastnightwhentheIngléexplainedit.Never.Therearesevenmenandacorporalatthelowerpost.Supposethereisanalarmorthattheyfight?”

HelookedatRobertJordannow.“WhenIleftIthoughtyouwouldknowthatitwasimpossibleandwouldgiveitup.ThenafterIhadthrownawaythymaterialIsawitinanothermanner.”

“Iamgladtoseethee,”RobertJordansaid.Hewalkedovertohim.“Weareallrightwiththegrenades.Thatwillwork.Theotherdoesnotmatternow.”

“Nay,”Pablosaid.“Idonothingforthee.Thouartathingofbadomen.Allofthiscomesfromthee.Sordoalso.ButafterIhadthrownawaythymaterialIfoundmyselftoolonely.”

“Thymother—”Pilarsaid.

“SoIrodefortheotherstomakeitpossibleforittobesuccessful.IhavebroughtthebestthatIcouldget.IhaveleftthematthetopsoIcouldspeaktoyou,first.TheythinkIamtheleader.”

“Thouart,”Pilarsaid.“Iftheewishes.”Pablolookedatherandsaidnothing.Thenhesaidsimplyandquietly,“IhavethoughtmuchsincethethingofSordo.Ibelieveifwemustfinishwemustfinishtogether.Butthou,Inglé.Ihatetheeforbringingthistous.”

“ButPablo——”Fernando,hispocketsfullofgrenades,abandolierofcartridgesoverhisshoulder,hestillwipinginhispanofstewwithapieceofbread,began.“Doyounotbelievetheoperationcanbesuccessful?Nightbeforelastyousaidyouwereconvinceditwouldbe.”

“Givehimsomemorestew,”PilarsaidviciouslytoMaria.ThentoPablo,hereyessoftening,“Soyouhavecomeback,eh?”

“Yes,woman,”Pablosaid.

“Well,thouartwelcome,”Pilarsaidtohim.“Ididnotthinkthoucouldstbetheruinthouappearedtobe.”

“Havingdonesuchathingthereisalonelinessthatcannotbeborne,”Pablosaidtoherquietly.

“Thatcannotbeborne,”shemockedhim.“Thatcannotbebornebytheeforfifteenminutes.”

“Donotmockme,woman.Ihavecomeback.”

“Andthouartwelcome,”shesaid.“Didstnothearmethefirsttime?Drinkthycoffeeandletusgo.Somuchtheatretiresme.”

“Isthatcoffee?”Pabloasked.

“Certainly,”Fernandosaid.

“Givemesome,Maria,”Pablosaid.“Howartthou?”Hedidnotlookather.

“Well,”Mariatoldhimandbroughthimabowlofcoffee.“Doyouwantstew?”Pabloshookhishead.

“Nomegustaestarsolo,”PablowentonexplainingtoPilarasthoughtheotherswerenotthere.“Idonotliketobealone.Sabes?YesterdayalldayaloneworkingforthegoodofallIwasnotlonely.Butlastnight.Hombre!Quémallopasé?”

“ThypredecessorthefamousJudasIscariothangedhimself,”Pilarsaid.

“Don’ttalktomethatway,woman,”Pablosaid.“Haveyounotseen?Iamback.Don’ttalkofJudasnornothingofthat.Iamback.”

“Howarethesepeopletheebrought?”Pilaraskedhim.“Hastbroughtanythingworthbringing?”

“Sonbuenos,”Pablosaid.HetookachanceandlookedatPilarsquarely,thenlookedaway.

“Buenosybobos.Goodonesandstupids.Readytodieandall.Atugusto.Accordingtothytaste.Thewayyoulikethem.”

PablolookedPilarintheeyesagainandthistimehedidnotlookaway.Hekeptonlookingathersquarelywithhissmall,redrimmedpigeyes.

“Thou,”shesaidandherhuskyvoicewasfondagain.“Thou.Isupposeifamanhassomethingonce,alwayssomethingofitremains.”

“Listo,”Pablosaid,lookingathersquarelyandflatlynow.“Iamreadyforwhatthedaybrings.”

“Ibelievethouartback,”Pilarsaidtohim.“Ibelieveit.But,hombre,thouwertalongwaygone.”

“Lendmeanotherswallowfromthybottle,”PablosaidtoRobertJordan.“Andthenletusbegoing.”