188.英文正文(188)
thistimewinstonwasstartledintoself-forgetfulness。***
“youhere!”hesaid。
parsonsgavewinstonaglanceinwhichtherewasneitherinterestnorsurprise,butonlymisery。hebeganwalkingjerkilyupanddown,evidentlyunabletokeepstill。eachtimehestraightenedhispudgykneesitwasapparentthattheyweretrembling。hiseyeshadawide-open,staringlook,asthoughhecouldnotpreventhimselffromgazingatsomethinginthemiddledistance。
“whatareyouinfor?”saidwinston。
“thoughtcrime!”saidparsons,almostblubbering。thetoneofhisvoiceimpliedatonceacompleteadmissionofhisguiltandasortofincreduloushorrorthatsuchawordcouldbeappliedtohimself。hepausedoppositewinstonandbeganeagerlyappealingtohim:“youdon’tthinkthey’llshootme,doyou,oldchap?theydon’tshootyouifyouhaven’tactuallydoneanything—onlythoughts,whichyoucan’thelp?iknowtheygiveyouafairhearing。oh,itrustthemforthat!they’llknowmyrecord,won’tthey?youknowwhatkindofchapiwas。notabadchapinmyway。notbrainy,ofcourse,butkeen。itriedtodomybestfortheparty,didn’ti?i’llgetoffwithfiveyears,don’tyouthink?oreventenyears?achaplikemecouldmakehimselfprettyusefulinalabour-camp。theywouldn’tshootmeforgoingofftherailsjustonce?”
“areyouguilty?”saidwinston。
“ofcoursei’mguilty!”criedparsonswithaservileglanceatthetelescreen。“youdon’tthinkthepartywouldarrestaninnocentman,doyou?”hisfrog-likefacegrewcalmer,andeventookonaslightlysanctimoniousexpression。“thoughtcrimeisadreadfulthing,oldman,”hesaidsententiously。“it’sinsidious。itcangetholdofyouwithoutyourevenknowingit。doyouknowhowitgotholdofme?inmysleep!yes,that’safact。thereiwas,workingaway,tryingtodomybit—neverknewihadanybadstuffinmymindatall。andthenistartedtalkinginmysleep。doyouknowwhattheyheardmesaying?”