Chapter 34
THEGRINDOFTHEMILLSTONES—ASAMPLEOFCHAFF
CARRIEPONDEREDOVERthissituationasconsistentlyasHurstwood,onceshegotthefactsadjustedinhermind.Ittookseveraldaysforhertofullyrealizethattheapproachofthedissolutionofherhusband’sbusinessmeantcommonplacestruggleandprivation.HermindwentbacktoherearlyventureinChicago,theHansonsandtheirflat,andherheartrevolted.Thatwasterrible!Everythingaboutpovertywasterrible.Shewishedsheknewawayout.HerrecentexperienceswiththeVanceshadwhollyunfittedhertoviewherownstatewithcomplacence.Theglamourofthehighlifeofthecityhad,inthefewexperiencesaffordedherbytheformer,seizedhercompletely.Shehadbeentaughthowtodressandwheretogowithouthavingamplemeanstodoeither.Now,thesethings-everpresentrealitiesastheywere—filledhereyesandmind.Themorecircumscribedbecameherstate,themoreentrancingseemedthisother.AndnowpovertythreatenedtoseizeherentirelyandtoremovethisotherworldfarupwardlikeaheaventowhichanyLazarusmightextend,appealingly,hishands.
So,too,theidealbroughtintoherlifebyAmesremained.Hehadgone,butherewashiswordthatricheswerenoteverything;thattherewasagreatdealmoreintheworldthansheknew;thatthestagewasgood,andtheliteratureshereadpoor.Hewasa
strongmanandclean—howmuchstrongerandbetterthanHurstwoodandDrouetsheonlyhalfformulatedtoherself,butthedifferencewaspainful.Itwassomethingtowhichshevoluntarilyclosedhereyes.
DuringthelastthreemonthsoftheWarrenStreetconnection,Hurstwoodtookpartsofdaysoffandhunted,trackingthebusinessadvertisements.Itwasamoreorlessdepressingbusiness,whollybecauseofthethoughtthathemustsoongetsomethingorhewouldbegintoliveonthefewhundreddollarshewassaving,andthenhewouldhavenothingtoinvest—hewouldhavetohireoutasaclerk.
Everythinghediscoveredinhislineadvertisedasanopportunity,waseithertooexpensiveortoowretchedforhim.Besides,winterwascoming,thepaperswereannouncinghardships,andtherewasageneralfeelingofhardtimesintheair,or,atleast,hethoughtso.Inhisworry,otherpeople’sworriesbecameapparent.Noitemaboutafirmfailing,afamilystarving,oramandyinguponthestreets,supposedlyofstarvation,butarrestedhiseyeashescannedthemorningpapers.Oncethe“World”cameoutwithaflaringannouncementabout“80,000peopleoutofemploymentinNewYorkthiswinter,”whichstruckasaknifeathisheart.
“Eightythousand!”hethought.“Whatanawfulthingthatis.”
ThiswasnewreasoningforHurstwood.Intheolddaystheworldhadseemedtobegettingalongwellenough.Hehadbeenwonttoseesimilarthingsinthe“DailyNews,”inChicago,buttheydidnotholdhisattention.Now,thesethingswerelikegraycloudshoveringalongthehorizonofaclearday.Theythreatenedtocoverandobscurehislifewithchillygrayness.Hetriedtoshakethemoff,toforgetandbraceup.Sometimeshesaidtohimself,mentally:
“What’stheuseworrying.I’mnotoutyet.I’vegotsixweeksmore.Evenifworstcomestoworst,I’vegotenoughtoliveonforsixmonths.”
Curiously,ashetroubledoverhisfuture,histhoughtsoccasionallyrevertedtohiswifeandfamily.Hehadavoidedsuchthoughtsforthefirstthreeyearsasmuchaspossible.Hehatedher,andhecouldgetalongwithouther.Lethergo.Hewoulddowellenough.Now,however,whenhewasnotdoingwellenough,hebegantowonderwhatshewasdoing,howhischildrenweregettingalong.Hecouldseethemlivingasnicelyasever,occupyingthecomfortablehouseandusinghisproperty.
“ByGeorge!it’sashametheyshouldhaveitall,”hevaguelythoughttohimselfonseveraloccasions.“Ididn’tdoanything.”
Ashelookedbacknowandanalyzedthesituationwhichleduptohistakingthemoney,hebeganmildlytojustifyhimself.Whathadhedone—whatintheworld—thatshouldbarhimoutthiswayandheapsuchdifficultiesuponhim.Itseemedonlyyesterdaytohimsincehewascomfortableandwell-to-do.Butnowitwasallwrestedfromhim.
“Shedidn’tdeservewhatshegotoutofme,thatissure.Ididn’tdosomuch,ifeverybodycouldjustknow.”
Therewasnothoughtthatthefactsoughttobeadvertised.Itwasonlyamentaljustificationhewasseekingfromhimself-somethingthatwouldenablehimtobearhisstateasarighteousman.
Oneafternoon,fiveweeksbeforetheWarrenStreetplaceclosedup,heleftthesaloontovisitthreeorfourplaceshesawadvertisedinthe“Herald.”OnewasdowninGoldStreet,andhevisitedthat,butdidnotenter.Itwassuchacheaplookingplacehefeltthathecouldnotabideit.AnotherwasontheBowery,whichheknewcontainedmanyshowyresorts.ItwasnearGrandStreet,andturnedouttobeveryhandsomelyfittedup.Hetalkedaroundaboutinvestmentsforfullythree-quartersofanhourwiththeproprietor,who
maintainedthathishealthwaspoor,andthatwasthereasonhewishedapartner.
“Well,now,justhowmuchmoneywouldittaketobuyahalfinteresthere.”saidHurstwood,whosawsevenhundreddollarsashislimit.
“Threethousand,”saidtheman.
Hurstwood’sjawfell.
“Cash.”hesaid.
“Cash.”
Hetriedtoputonanairofdeliberation,asonewhomightreallybuy;buthiseyesshowedgloom.Hewoundupbysayinghewouldthinkitover,andcameaway.Themanhehadbeentalkingtosensedhisconditioninavagueway.
“Idon’tthinkhewantstobuy,”hesaidtohimself.“Hedoesn’ttalkright.”
Theafternoonwasasgrayasleadandcold.Itwasblowingupadisagreeablewinterwind.Hevisitedaplacefarupontheeastside,nearSixty-ninthStreet,anditwasfiveo’clock,andgrowingdim,whenhereachedthere.AportlyGermankeptthisplace.
“Howaboutthisadofyours.”askedHurstwood,whoratherobjectedtothelooksoftheplace.
“Oh,datissallover,”saidtheGerman.“Ivillnotsellnow.”
“Oh,isthatso.”
“Yes;dereisnothingtodat.Itissallover.”
“Verywell,”saidHurstwood,turningaround.
TheGermanpaidnomoreattentiontohim,anditmadehimangry.
“Thecrazyass!”hesaidtohimself.“Whatdoeshewanttoadvertisefor.”
Whollydepressed,hestartedforThirteenthStreet.Theflathadonlyalightinthekitchen,whereCarriewasworking.Hestruckamatchand,lightingthegas,satdowninthedining-roomwithoutevengreetingher.Shecametothedoorandlookedin.
“It’syou,isit.”shesaid,andwentback.
“Yes,”hesaid,withoutevenlookingupfromtheeveningpaperhehadbought.
Carriesawthingswerewrongwithhim.Hewasnotsohandsomewhengloomy.Thelinesatthesidesoftheeyesweredeepened.Naturallydarkofskin,gloommadehimlookslightlysinister.Hewasquiteadisagreeablefigure.
Carriesetthetableandbroughtinthemeal.
“Dinner’sready,”shesaid,passinghimforsomething.
Hedidnotanswer,readingon.
Shecameinandsatdownatherplace,feelingexceedinglywretched.
“Won’tyoueatnow.”sheasked.
Hefoldedhispaperanddrewnear,silenceholdingforatime,exceptforthe“Passme’s.”
“It’sbeengloomyto-day,hasn’tit.”venturedCarrie,afteratime.
“Yes,”hesaid.
Heonlypickedathisfood.
“Areyoustillsuretocloseup.”saidCarrie,venturingtotakeupthesubjectwhichtheyhaddiscussedoftenenough.
“Ofcourseweare,”hesaid,withtheslightestmodificationofsharpness.
ThisretortangeredCarrie.Shehadhadadrearydayofitherself.
“Youneedn’ttalklikethat,”shesaid.
“Oh!”heexclaimed,pushingbackfromthetable,asiftosaymore,butlettingitgoatthat.Thenhepickeduphispaper.Carrieleftherseat,containingherselfwithdifficulty.Hesawshewashurt.
“Don’tgo‘way,”hesaid,asshestartedbackintothekitchen.“Eatyourdinner.”
Shepassed,notanswering.
Helookedatthepaperafewmoments,andthenroseupandputonhiscoat.
“I’mgoingdowntown,Carrie,”hesaid,comingout.
“I’moutofsortsto-night.”
Shedidnotanswer.
“Don’tbeangry,”hesaid.“Itwillbeallrighttomorrow.”
Helookedather,butshepaidnoattentiontohim,workingatherdishes.
“Good-bye!”hesaidfinally,andwentout.
Thiswasthefirststrongresultofthesituationbetweenthem,butwiththenearingofthelastdayofthebusinessthegloombecamealmostapermanentthing.Hurstwoodcouldnotconcealhisfeelingsaboutthematter.Carriecouldnothelpwonderingwhereshewasdrifting.Itgotsothattheytalkedevenlessthanusual,andyetitwasnotHurstwoodwhofeltanyobjectiontoCarrie.ItwasCarriewhoshiedawayfromhim.Thishenoticed.Itarousedanobjectiontoherbecomingindifferenttohim.Hemadethepossibilityoffriendlyintercoursealmostagianttask,andthennoticedwithdiscontentthatCarrieaddedtoitbyhermannerandmadeitmoreimpossible.
Atlastthefinaldaycame.Whenitactuallyarrived,Hurstwood,whohadgothismindintosuchastatewhereathunderclapandragingstormwouldhaveseemedhighlyappropriate,wasratherrelievedtofindthatitwasaplain,ordinaryday.Thesunshone,thetemperaturewaspleasant.Hefelt,ashecametothebreakfasttable,thatitwasn’tsoterrible,afterall.
“Well,”hesaidtoCarrie,“to-day’smylastdayonearth.”
Carriesmiledinanswertohishumor.
Hurstwoodglancedoverhispaperrathergaily.Heseemedtohavelostaload.
“I’llgodownforalittlewhile,”hesaidafterbreakfast,“andthenI’lllookaround.To-morrowI’llspendthewholedaylookingabout.IthinkIcangetsomething,nowthisthing’soffmyhands.”
Hewentoutsmilingandvisitedtheplace.Shaughnessywasthere.Theyhadmadeall
arrangementstoshareaccordingtotheirinterests.When,however,hehadbeenthereseveralhours,goneoutthreemore,andreturned,hiselationhaddeparted.Asmuchashehadobjectedtotheplace,nowthatitwasnolongertoexist,hefeltsorry.Hewishedthatthingsweredifferent.
Shaughnessywascoollybusinesslike.
“Well,”hesaidatfiveo’clock,“wemightaswellcountthechangeanddivide.”
Theydidso.Thefixtureshadalreadybeensoldandthesumdivided.
“Good-night,”saidHurstwoodatthefinalmoment,inalastefforttobegenial.
“Solong,”saidShaughnessy,scarcelydeigninganotice.
ThustheWarrenStreetarrangementwaspermanentlyconcluded.
Carriehadpreparedagooddinnerattheflat,butafterhisrideup,Hurstwoodwasinasolemnandreflectivemood.
“Well.”saidCarrie,inquisitively.
“I’moutofthat,”heanswered,takingoffhiscoat.
Asshelookedathim,shewonderedwhathisfinancialstatewasnow.Theyateandtalkedalittle.
“Willyouhaveenoughtobuyinanywhereelse.”askedCarrie.
“No,”hesaid.“I’llhavetogetsomethingelseandsaveup.”
“Itwouldbeniceifyoucouldgetsomeplace,”saidCarrie,promptedbyanxietyandhope.
“IguessIwill,”hesaidreflectively.
Forsomedaysthereafterheputonhisovercoatregularlyinthemorningandsalliedforth.Ontheseventureshefirstconsoledhimselfwiththethoughtthatwiththesevenhundreddollarshehadhecouldstillmakesomeadvantageousarrangement.Hethoughtaboutgoingtosomebrewery,which,asheknew,frequentlycontrolledsaloonswhichtheyleased,
andgetthemtohelphim.Thenherememberedthathewouldhavetopayoutseveralhundredanywayforfixturesandthathewouldhavenothingleftforhismonthlyexpenses.Itwascostinghimnearlyeightydollarsamonthtolive.
“No,”hesaid,inhissanestmoments,“Ican’tdoit.I’llgetsomethingelseandsaveup.”
Thisgetting-somethingpropositioncomplicateditselfthemomenthebegantothinkofwhatitwashewantedtodo.Manageaplace.Whereshouldhegetsuchaposition.Thepaperscontainednorequestsformanagers.Suchpositions,heknewwellenough,wereeithersecuredbylongyearsofserviceorwereboughtwithahalforthirdinterest.Intoaplaceimportantenoughtoneedsuchamanagerhehadnotmoneyenoughtobuy.
Nevertheless,hestartedout.Hisclotheswereverygoodandhisappearancestillexcellent,butitinvolvedthetroubleofdeluding.People,lookingathim,imaginedinstantlythatamanofhisage,stoutandwelldressed,mustbewelloff.Heappearedacomfortableownerofsomething,amanfromwhomthecommonrunofmortalscouldwellexpectgratuities.Beingnowforty-threeyearsofage,andcomfortablybuilt,walkingwasnoteasy.Hehadnotbeenusedtoexerciseformanyyears.Hislegstired,hisshouldersached,andhisfeetpainedhimatthecloseoftheday,evenwhenhetookstreetcarsinalmosteverydirection.Themeregettingupanddown,iflongcontinued,producedthisresult.
Thefactthatpeopletookhimtobebetteroffthanhewas,hewellunderstood.Itwassopainfullycleartohimthatitretardedhissearch.Notthathewishedtobelesswellappearing,butthathewasashamedtobeliehisappearancebyincongruousappeals.Sohehesitated,wonderingwhattodo.
Hethoughtofthehotels,butinstantlyherememberedthathehadhadnoexperienceasaclerk,
and,whatwasmoreimportant,noacquaintancesorfriendsinthatlinetowhomhecouldgo.Hedidknowsomehotelownersinseveralcities,includingNewYork,buttheyknewofhisdealingswithFitzgeraldandMoy.Hecouldnotapplytothem.Hethoughtofotherlinessuggestedbylargebuildingsorbusinesseswhichheknewof—wholesalegroceries,hardware,insuranceconcerns,andthelike—buthehadhadnoexperience.
Howtogoaboutgettinganythingwasabitterthought.Wouldhehavetogopersonallyandask;waitoutsideanofficedoor,and,then,distinguishedandaffluentlooking,announcethathewaslookingforsomethingtodo.Hestrainedpainfullyatthethought.No,hecouldnotdothat.
Hereallystrolledabout,thinking,andthen,theweatherbeingcold,steppedintoahotel.Heknewhotelswellenoughtoknowthatanydecentindividualwaswelcometoachairinthelobby.ThiswasintheBroadwayCentral,whichwasthenoneofthemostimportanthotelsinthecity.Takingachairherewasapainfulthingtohim.Tothinkheshouldcometothis!Hehadheardloungersabouthotelscalledchairwarmers.Hehadcalledthemthathimselfinhisday.Butherehewas,despitethepossibilityofmeetingsomeonewhoknewhim,shieldinghimselffromcoldandthewearinessofthestreetsinahotellobby.
“Ican’tdothisway,”hesaidtohimself.“There’snouseofmystartingoutmorningswithoutfirstthinkingupsomeplacetogo.I’llthinkofsomeplacesandthenlookthemup.”
Itoccurredtohimthatthepositionsofbartendersweresometimesopen,butheputthisoutofhismind.Bartender—he,theex-manager!
Itgrewawfullydullsittinginthehotellobby,andsoatfourhewenthome.Hetriedtoputonabusinessairashewentin,butitwasafeebleimitation.Therockingchairinthediningroomwascomfortable.He
sankintoitgladly,withseveralpapershehadbought,andbegantoread.
Asshewasgoingthroughtheroomtobeginpreparingdinner,Carriesaid:
“Themanwasherefortherentto-day.”
“Oh,washe.”saidHurstwood.
TheleastwrinklecreptintohisbrowasherememberedthatthiswasFebruary2d,thetimethemanalwayscalled.Hefisheddowninhispocketforhispurse,gettingthefirsttasteofpayingoutwhennothingiscomingin.Helookedatthefat,greenrollasasickmanlooksattheonepossiblesavingcure.Thenhecountedofftwenty-eightdollars.
“Hereyouare,”hesaidtoCarrie,whenshecamethroughagain.
Heburiedhimselfinhispapersandread.Oh,therestofit-therelieffromwalkingandthinking!WhatLetheanwaterswerethesefloodsoftelegraphedintelligence!Heforgothistroubles,inpart.Herewasayoung,handsomewoman,ifyoumightbelievethenewspaperdrawing,suingarich,fat,candy-makinghusbandinBrooklynfordivorce.HerewasanotheritemdetailingthewreckingofavesseliniceandsnowoffPrince’sBayonStatenIsland.Along,brightcolumntoldofthedoingsinthetheatricalworld—theplaysproduced,theactorsappearing,themanagersmakingannouncements.FannieDavenportwasjustopeningattheFifthAvenue.Dalywasproducing“KingLear.”HereadoftheearlydeparturefortheseasonofapartycomposedoftheVanderbiltsandtheirfriendsforFlorida.AninterestingshootingaffraywasoninthemountainsofKentucky.Soheread,read,read,rockinginthewarmroomneartheradiatorandwaitingfordinnertobeserved.