Chapter 39
OFLIGHTSANDOFSHADOWS—THEPARTINGOFWORLDS
WhatHurstwoodgotastheresultofthisdeterminationwasmoreself-assurancethateachparticulardaywasnottheday.Atthesametime,Carriepassedthroughthirtydaysofmentaldistress.
Herneedofclothes—tosaynothingofherdesireforornaments-grewrapidlyasthefactdevelopedthatforallherworkshewasnottohavethem.ThesympathyshefeltforHurstwood,atthetimeheaskedhertotidehimover,vanishedwiththesenewerurgingsofdecency.Hewasnotalwaysrenewinghisrequest,butthisloveofgoodappearancewas.Itinsisted,andCarriewishedtosatisfyit,wishedmoreandmorethatHurstwoodwasnotintheway.
Hurstwoodreasoned,whenhenearedthelasttendollars,thathehadbetterkeepalittlepocketchangeandnotbecomewhollydependentforcar-fare,shaves,andthelike;sowhenthissumwasstillinhishandheannouncedhimselfaspenniless.
“I’mclearout,”hesaidtoCarrieoneafternoon.“Ipaidforsomecoalthismorning,andthattookallbuttenorfifteencents.”
“I’vegotsomemoneythereinmypurse.”
Hurstwoodwenttogetit,startingforacanoftomatoes.Carriescarcelynoticedthatthiswasthebeginningoftheneworder.Hetookoutfifteencentsandboughtthecanwithit.Thereafteritwasdribsanddrabsofthissort,untilonemorningCarriesuddenly
rememberedthatshewouldnotbebackuntilclosetodinnertime.
“We’realloutofflour,”shesaid;“you’dbettergetsomethisafternoon.Wehaven’tanymeat,either.Howwoulditdoifwehadliverandbacon.”
“Suitsme,”saidHurstwood.
“Bettergetahalforthree-quartersofapoundofthat.”
“Half’llbeenough,”volunteeredHurstwood.
Sheopenedherpurseandlaiddownahalfdollar.Hepretendednottonoticeit.
Hurstwoodboughttheflour—whichallgrocerssoldin31/2poundpackages—forthirteencentsandpaidfifteencentsforahalfpoundofliverandbacon.Heleftthepackages,togetherwiththebalanceoftwenty-twocents,uponthekitchentable,whereCarriefoundit.Itdidnotescapeherthatthechangewasaccurate.Therewassomethingsadinrealizingthat,afterall,allthathewantedofherwassomethingtoeat.Shefeltasifhardthoughtswereunjust.Maybehewouldgetsomethingyet.Hehadnovices.
Thatveryevening,however,ongoingintothetheatre,oneofthechorusgirlspassedherallnewlyarrayedinaprettymottledtweedsuit,whichtookCarrie’seye.Theyoungwomanworeafinebunchofvioletsandseemedinhighspirits.ShesmiledatCarriegoodnaturedlyasshepassed,showingpretty,eventeeth,andCarriesmiledback.
“Shecanaffordtodresswell,”thoughtCarrie,“andsocouldI,ifIcouldonlykeepmymoney.Ihaven’tadecenttieofanykindtowear.”
Sheputoutherfootandlookedathershoereflectively.“I’llgetapairofshoesSaturday,anyhow;Idon’tcarewhathappens.”
OneofthesweetestandmostsympatheticlittlechorusgirlsinthecompanymadefriendswithherbecauseinCarrieshefoundnothingtofrightenheraway.ShewasagaylittleManon,unwitting
ofsociety’sfierceconceptionofmorality,but,nevertheless,goodtoherneighborandcharitable.Littlelicensewasallowedthechorusinthematterofconversation,but,nevertheless,somewasindulgedin.
“It’swarmto-night,isn’tit.”saidthisgirl,arrayedinpinkfleshingsandanimitationgoldenhelmet.Shealsocarriedashiningshield.
“Yes;itis,”saidCarrie,pleasedthatsomeoneshouldtalktoher.
“I’malmostroasting,”saidthegirl.
Carrielookedintoherprettyface,withitslargeblueeyes,andsawlittlebeadsofmoisture.
“There’smoremarchinginthisoperathaneverIdidbefore,”addedthegirl.
“Haveyoubeeninothers.”askedCarrie,surprisedatherexperience.
“Lotsofthem,”saidthegirl;“haven’tyou.”
“Thisismyfirstexperience.”
“Oh,isit.IthoughtIsawyouthetimetheyran‘TheQueen’sMate’here.”
“No,”saidCarrie,shakingherhead;“notme.”
Thisconversationwasinterruptedbytheblareoftheorchestraandthesputteringofthecalciumlightsinthewingsasthelinewascalledtoformforanewentrance.Nofurtheropportunityforconversationoccurred,butthenextevening,whentheyweregettingreadyforthestage,thisgirlappearedanewatherside.
“Theysaythisshowisgoingontheroadnextmonth.”
“Isit.”saidCarrie.
“Yes;doyouthinkyou’llgo.”
“Idon’tknow;Iguessso,ifthey’lltakeme.”
“Oh,they’lltakeyou.Iwouldn’tgo.Theywon’tgiveyouanymore,anditwillcostyoueverythingyoumaketolive.IneverleaveNewYork.Therearetoomanyshowsgoingonhere.”
“Canyoualwaysgetinanothershow.”
“Ialwayshave.There’sonegoingonupatthe
Broadwaythismonth.I’mgoingtotryandgetinthatifthisonereallygoes.”
Carrieheardthiswitharousedintelligence.Evidentlyitwasn’tsoverydifficulttogeton.Maybeshealsocouldgetaplaceifthisshowwentaway.“Dotheyallpayaboutthesame.”sheasked.
“Yes.Sometimesyougetalittlemore.Thisshowdoesn’tpayverymuch.”
“Igettwelve,”saidCarrie.
“Doyou.”saidthegirl.“Theypaymefifteen,andyoudomoreworkthanIdo.Iwouldn’tstanditifIwereyou.They’rejustgivingyoulessbecausetheythinkyoudon’tknow.Yououghttobemakingfifteen.”
“Well,I’mnot,”saidCarrie.
“Well,you’llgetmoreatthenextplaceifyouwantit,”wentonthegirl,whoadmiredCarrieverymuch.“Youdofine,andthemanagerknowsit.”
Tosaythetruth,Carriedidunconsciouslymoveaboutwithanairpleasingandsomewhatdistinctive.Itwasduewhollytohernatural
mannerandtotallackofself-consciousness.
“DoyousupposeIcouldgetmoreupattheBroadway.”
“Ofcourseyoucan,”answeredthegirl.“YoucomewithmewhenIgo.I’lldothetalking.”
Carrieheardthis,flushingwiththankfulness.Shelikedthislittlegaslightsoldier.Sheseemedsoexperiencedandself-reliantinhertinselhelmetandmilitaryaccoutrements.
“MyfuturemustbeassuredifIcanalwaysgetworkthisway,”thoughtCarrie.
Still,inthemorning,whenherhouseholddutieswouldinfringeuponherandHurstwoodsatthere,aperfectloadtocontemplate,herfateseemeddismalandunrelieved.ItdidnottakesoverymuchtofeedthemunderHurstwood’sclose-measuredbuying,andtherewouldpossiblybeenoughforrent,butit
leftnothingelse.Carrieboughttheshoesandsomeotherthings,whichcomplicatedtherentproblemveryseriously.Suddenly,aweekfromthefatalday,Carrierealizedthattheyweregoingtorunshort.
“Idon’tbelieve,”sheexclaimed,lookingintoherpurseatbreakfast,“thatI’llhaveenoughtopaytherent.”
“Howmuchhaveyou.”inquiredHurstwood.
“Well,I’vegottwenty-twodollars,butthere’severythingtobepaidforthisweekyet,andifIuseallIgetSaturdaytopaythis,therewon’tbeanyleftfornextweek.Doyouthinkyourhotelmanwillopenhishotelthismonth.”
“Ithinkso,”returnedHurstwood.“Hesaidhewould.”
Afterawhile,Hurstwoodsaid:
“Don’tworryaboutit.Maybethegrocerwillwait.Hecandothat.We’vetradedtherelongenoughtomakehimtrustusforaweekortwo.”
“Doyouthinkhewill.”sheasked.
“Ithinkso.”Onthisaccount,Hurstwood,thisveryday,lookedgrocerOesloggeclearlyintheeyeasheorderedapoundofcoffee,andsaid:
“Doyoumindcarryingmyaccountuntiltheendofeveryweek.”
“No,no,Mr.Wheeler,”saidMr.Oeslogge.“Datissallright.”
Hurstwood,stilltactfulindistress,addednothingtothis.Itseemedaneasything.Helookedoutofthedoor,andthengathereduphiscoffeewhenreadyandcameaway.Thegameofadesperatemanhadbegun.
Rentwaspaid,andnowcamethegrocer.HurstwoodmanagedbypayingoutofhisowntenandcollectingfromCarrieattheendoftheweek.Thenhedelayedadaynexttimesettlingwiththegrocer,andsosoonhadhistenback,withOesloggegettinghispayonthisThursdayorFridayforlastSaturday’sbill.
ThisentanglementmadeCarrieanxiousforachange
ofsomesort.Hurstwooddidnotseemtorealizethatshehadarighttoanything.Heschemedtomakewhatsheearnedcoverallexpenses,butseemednottotroubleoveraddinganythinghimself.
“Hetalksaboutworrying,”thoughtCarrie.“Ifheworriedenoughhecouldn’tsitthereandwaitforme.He’dgetsomethingtodo.Nomancouldgosevenmonthswithoutfindingsomethingifhetried.”
ThesightofhimalwaysaroundinhisuntidyclothesandgloomyappearancedroveCarrietoseekreliefinotherplaces.Twiceaweektherewerematinees,andthenHurstwoodateacoldsnack,whichhepreparedhimself.Twootherdaystherewererehearsalsbeginningatteninthemorningandlastingusuallyuntilone.Now,tothisCarrieaddedafewvisitstooneortwochorusgirls,includingtheblue-eyedsoldierofthegoldenhelmet.Shediditbecauseitwaspleasantandarelieffromdullnessofthehomeoverwhichherhusbandbrooded.
Theblue-eyedsoldier’snamewasOsborne—LolaOsborne.HerroomwasinNineteenthStreetnearFourthAvenue,ablocknowgivenupwhollytoofficebuildings.Hereshehadacomfortablebackroom,lookingoveracollectionofbackyardsinwhichgrewanumberofshadetreespleasanttosee.
“Isn’tyourhomeinNewYork.”sheaskedofLolaoneday.
“Yes;butIcan’tgetalongwithmypeople.Theyalwayswantmetodowhattheywant.Doyoulivehere.”
“Yes,”saidCarrie.
“Withyourfamily.”
Carriewasashamedtosaythatshewasmarried.Shehadtalkedsomuchaboutgettingmoresalaryandconfessedtosomuchanxietyaboutherfuture,thatnow,whenthedirectquestionoffactwaswaiting,shecouldnottellthisgirl.
“Withsomerelatives,”sheanswered.
MissOsbornetookitforgrantedthat,likeherself,Carrie’stimewasherown.Sheinvariablyaskedhertostay,proposinglittleoutingsandotherthingsofthatsortuntilCarriebeganneglectingherdinnerhours.Hurstwoodnoticedit,butfeltinnopositiontoquarrelwithher.Severaltimesshecamesolateasscarcelytohaveanhourinwhichtopatchupamealandstartforthetheatre.
“Doyourehearseintheafternoons.”Hurstwoodonceasked,concealingalmostcompletelythecynicalprotestandregretwhichpromptedit.
“No;Iwaslookingaroundforanotherplace,”saidCarrie.
Asamatteroffactshewas,butonlyinsuchawayasfurnishedtheleaststrawofanexcuse.MissOsborneandshehadgonetotheofficeofthemanagerwhowastoproducethenewoperaattheBroadwayandreturnedstraighttotheformer’sroom,wheretheyhadbeensincethreeo’clock.
Carriefeltthisquestiontobeaninfringementonherliberty.Shedidnottakeintoaccounthowmuchlibertyshewassecuring.Onlythelateststep,thenewestfreedom,mustnotbequestioned.
Hurstwoodsawitallclearlyenough.Hewasshrewdafterhiskind,andyettherewasenoughdecencyinthemantostophimfrommakinganyeffectualprotest.InhisalmostinexplicableapathyhewascontenttodroopsupinelywhileCarriedriftedoutofhislife,justashewaswillingsupinelytoseeopportunitypassbeyondhiscontrol.Hecouldnothelpclingingandprotestinginamild,irritating,andineffectualway,however—awaythatsimplywidenedthebreachbyslowdegrees.
Afurtherenlargementofthischasmbetweenthemcamewhenthemanager,lookingbetweenthewingsuponthebrightlylightedstagewherethechoruswasgoingthroughsomeofitsglitteringevolutions,saidtothemasteroftheballet:
“Whoisthatfourthgirlthereontheright—theone
comingroundattheendnow.”
“Oh,”saidtheballet-master,“that’sMissMadenda.”
“She’sgoodlooking.Whydon’tyouletherheadthatline.”
“Iwill,”saidtheman.
“Justdothat.She’lllookbettertherethanthewomanyou’vegot.”
“Allright.Iwilldothat,”saidthemaster.
ThenexteveningCarriewascalledout,muchasifforanerror.
“Youleadyourcompanytonight,”saidthemaster.
“Yes,sir,”saidCarrie.
“Putsnapintoit,”headded.“Wemusthavesnap.”
“Yes,sir,”repliedCarrie.
Astonishedatthischange,shethoughtthattheheretoforeleadermustbeill;butwhenshesawherintheline,withadistinctexpressionofsomethingunfavorableinhereye,shebegantothinkthatperhapsitwasmerit.
Shehadachicwayoftossingherheadtooneside,andholdingherarmsasifforaction—notlistlessly.Infrontofthelinethisshowedupevenmoreeffectually.
“Thatgirlknowshowtocarryherself,”saidthemanager,anotherevening.Hebegantothinkthatheshouldliketotalkwithher.Ifhehadn’tmadeitaruletohavenothingtodowiththemembersofthechorus,hewouldhaveapproachedhermostunbendingly.
“Putthatgirlattheheadofthewhitecolumn,”hesuggestedtothemaninchargeoftheballet.
Thiswhitecolumnconsistedofsometwentygirls,allinsnowwhiteflanneltrimmedwithsilverandblue.Itsleaderwasmoststunninglyarrayedinthesamecolors,elaborated,however,withepauletsandabeltofsilver,withashortsworddanglingatoneside.Carriewasfittedforthiscostume,andafewdayslaterappeared,proudofhernewlaurels.Shewasespeciallygratifiedtofindthathersalarywasnoweighteeninsteadoftwelve.
Hurstwoodheardnothingaboutthis.
“I’llnotgivehimtherestofmymoney,”saidCarrie.“Idoenough.Iamgoingtogetmesomethingtowear.”
Asamatteroffact,duringthissecondmonthshehadbeenbuyingforherselfasrecklesslyasshedared,regardlessoftheconsequences.Therewereimpendingmorecomplicationsrentday,andmoreextensionofthecreditsystemintheneighborhood.Now,however,sheproposedtodobetterbyherself.
Herfirstmovewastobuyashirtwaist,andinstudyingtheseshefoundhowlittlehermoneywouldbuy—howmuch,ifshecouldonlyuseall.Sheforgotthatifshewerealoneshewouldhavetopayforaroomandboard,andimaginedthateverycentofhereighteencouldbespentforclothesandthingsthatsheliked.
Atlastshepickeduponsomething,whichnotonlyusedupallhersurplusabovetwelve,butinvadedthatsum.Sheknewshewasgoingtoofar,butherfeminineloveoffineryprevailed.ThenextdayHurstwoodsaid:
“Weowethegrocerfivedollarsandfortycentsthisweek.”
“Dowe.”saidCarrie,frowningalittle.
Shelookedinherpursetoleaveit.
“I’veonlygoteightdollarsandtwentycentsaltogether.”
“Weowethemilkmansixtycents,”addedHurstwood.
“Yes,andthere’sthecoalman,”saidCarrie.
Hurstwoodsaidnothing.Hehadseenthenewthingsshewasbuying;thewayshewasneglectinghouseholdduties;thereadinesswithwhichshewasslippingoutafternoonsandstaying.Hefeltthatsomethingwasgoingtohappen.Allatonceshespoke:
“Idon’tknow,”shesaid;“Ican’tdoitall.Idon’tearnenough.”
Thiswasadirectchallenge.Hurstwoodhadtotakeitup.Hetriedtobecalm.
“Idon’twantyoutodoitall,”hesaid.“IonlywantalittlehelpuntilIcangetsomethingtodo.”
“Oh,yes,”answeredCarrie.“That’salwaystheway.IttakesmorethanIcanearntopayforthings.Idon’tseewhatI’mgoingtodo.
“Well,I’vetriedtogetsomething,”heexclaimed.Whatdoyouwantmetodo.”
“Youcouldn’thavetriedsoveryhard,”saidCarrie.“Igotsomething.”
“Well,Idid,”hesaid,angeredalmosttoharshwords.“Youneedn’tthrowupyoursuccesstome.AllIaskedwasalittlehelpuntilIcouldgetsomething.I’mnotdownyet.I’llcomeupallright.”
Hetriedtospeaksteadily,buthisvoicetrembledalittle.
Carrie’sangermeltedontheinstant.Shefeltashamed.
“Well,”shesaid,“here’sthemoney,”andemptieditoutonthetable.“Ihaven’tgotquiteenoughtopayitall.IftheycanwaituntilSaturday,though,I’llhavesomemore.”
“Youkeepit,”saidHurstwoodsadly.“Ionlywantenoughtopaythegrocer.”
Sheputitback,andproceededtogetdinnerearlyandingoodtime.Herlittlebravadomadeherfeelasifsheoughttomakeamends.
Inalittlewhiletheiroldthoughtsreturnedtoboth.
“She’smakingmorethanshesays,”thoughtHurstwood.“Shesaysshe’smakingtwelve,butthatwouldn’tbuyallthosethings.Idon’tcare.Letherkeephermoney.I’llgetsomethingagainoneofthesedays.Thenshecangotothedeuce.”
Heonlysaidthisinhisanger,butitprefiguredapossiblecourseofactionandattitudewellenough.
“Idon’tcare,”thoughtCarrie.“Heoughttobetoldtogetoutanddosomething.Itisn’trightthatIshouldsupporthim.”
InthesedaysCarriewasintroducedtoseveralyouths,friendsofMissOsborne,whowereofthekindmostaptlydescribedasgayandfestive.TheycalledoncetogetMissOsborneforanafternoondrive.Carriewaswithheratthetime.
“Comeandgoalong,”saidLola.
“No,Ican’t,”saidCarrie.
“Oh,yes,comeandgo.Whathaveyougottodo.”
“Ihavetobehomebyfive,”saidCarrie.
“Whatfor.”
“Oh,dinner.”
“They’lltakeustodinner,”saidLola.
“Oh,no,”saidCarrie.“Iwon’tgo.Ican’t.”
“Oh,docome.They’reawfulniceboys.We’llgetyoubackintime.We’reonlygoingforadriveinCentralPark.”Carriethoughtawhile,andatlastyielded.
“Now,Imustbebackbyhalf-pastfour,”shesaid.
TheinformationwentinoneearofLolaandouttheother.
AfterDrouetandHurstwood,therewastheleasttouchofcynicisminherattitudetowardyoungmen—especiallyofthegayandfrivoloussort.Shefeltalittleolderthanthey.Someoftheirprettycomplimentsseemedsilly.Still,shewasyounginheartandbodyandyouthappealedtoher.
“Oh,we’llberightback,MissMadenda,”saidoneofthechaps,bowing.“Youwouldn’tthinkwe’dkeepyouovertime,now,wouldyou.”
“Well,Idon’tknow,”saidCarrie,smiling.
Theywereoffforadrive—she,lookingaboutandnoticingfineclothing,theyoungmenvoicingthosesillypleasantriesandweakquipswhichpassforhumorincoycircles.Carriesawthegreatparkparadeofcarriages,beginningattheFifty-ninthStreetentranceandwindingpasttheMuseumofArttotheexitatOneHundredandTenthStreetandSeventhAvenue.Hereyewasoncemoretakenbytheshowof
wealth—theelaboratecostumes,elegantharnesses,spiritedhorses,and,aboveall,thebeauty.Oncemoretheplagueofpovertygalledher,butnowsheforgotinameasureherowntroublessofarastoforgetHurstwood.Hewaiteduntilfour,five,andevensix.Itwasgettingdarkwhenhegotupoutofhischair.
“Iguesssheisn’tcominghome,”hesaid,grimly.
“That’stheway,”hethought.“She’sgettingastartnow.I’moutofit.”
Carriehadreallydiscoveredherneglect,butonlyataquarterafterfive,andtheopencarriagewasnowfarupSeventhAvenue,neartheHarlemRiver.
“Whattimeisit.”sheinquired.“Imustbegettingback.”
“Aquarterafterfive,”saidhercompanion,consultinganelegant,open-facedwatch.
“Oh,dearme!”exclaimedCarrie.Thenshesettledbackwithasigh.“There’snousecryingoverspiltmilk,”shesaid.“It’stoolate.”
“Ofcourseitis,”saidtheyouth,whosawvisionsofafinedinnernow,andsuchinvigoratingtalkaswouldresultinareunionaftertheshow.HewasgreatlytakenwithCarrie.“We’lldrivedowntoDelmonico’snowandhavesomethingthere,won’twe,Orrin.”
“Tobesure,”repliedOrrin,gaily.
CarriethoughtofHurstwood.Neverbeforehadsheneglecteddinnerwithoutanexcuse.
Theydroveback,andat6.15satdowntodine.ItwastheSherryincidentoveragain,theremembranceofwhichcamepainfullybacktoCarrie.SherememberedMrs.Vance,whohadnevercalledagainafterHurstwood’sreception,andAmes.
Atthisfigurehermindhalted.Itwasastrong,cleanvision.Helikedbetterbooksthansheread,betterpeoplethansheassociatedwith.Hisidealsburnedinherheart.
“It’sfinetobeagoodactress,”camedistinctlyback.
Whatsortofanactresswasshe.
“Whatareyouthinkingabout,MissMadenda.”inquiredhermerrycompanion.“Come,now,let’sseeifIcanguess.”
“Oh,no,”saidCarrie.“Don’ttry.”
Sheshookitoffandate.Sheforgot,inpart,andwasmerry.Whenitcametotheafter-theatreproposition,however,sheshookherhead.
“No,”shesaid,“Ican’t.Ihaveapreviousengagement.”
“Oh,now,MissMadenda,”pleadedtheyouth.
“No,”saidCarrie,“Ican’t.You’vebeensokind,butyou’llhavetoexcuseme.”
Theyouthlookedexceedinglycrestfallen.
“Cheerup,oldman,”whisperedhiscompanion.“We’llgoaround,anyhow.Shemaychangehermind.”