CHAPTER 26

Itwasthreeo’clockintheafternoonbeforetheplanescame.Thesnowhadallbeengonebynoonandtherockswerehotnowinthesun.TherewerenocloudsintheskyandRobertJordansatintherockswithhisshirtoffbrowninghisbackinthesunandreadingthelettersthathadbeeninthepocketsofthedeadcavalryman.Fromtimetotimehewouldstopreadingtolookacrosstheopenslopetothelineofthetimber,lookoverthehighcountryaboveandthenreturntotheletters.Nomorecavalryhadappeared.AtintervalstherewouldbethesoundofashotfromthedirectionofElSordo’scamp.Butthefiringwasdesultory.

FromexamininghismilitarypapersheknewtheboywasfromTafallainNavarra,twenty-oneyearsold,unmarried,andthesonofablacksmith.HisregimentwastheNthcavalry,whichsurprisedRobertJordan,forhehadbelievedthatregimenttobeintheNorth.HewasaCarlist,andhehadbeenwoundedatthefightingforIrunatthestartofthewar.

I’veprobablyseenhimrunthroughthestreetsaheadofthebullsattheferiainPamplona,RobertJordanthought.Youneverkillanyonethatyouwanttokillinawar,hesaidtohimself.Well,hardlyever,heamendedandwentonreadingtheletters.

Thefirstlettershereadwereveryformal,verycarefullywrittenanddealtalmostentirelywithlocalhappenings.TheywerefromhissisterandRobertJordanlearnedthateverythingwasallrightinTafalla,thatfatherwaswell,thatmotherwasthesameasalwaysbutwithcertaincomplaintsaboutherback,thatshehopedhewaswellandnotintoogreatdangerandshewashappyhewasdoingawaywiththeRedstoliberateSpainfromthedominationoftheMarxisthordes.ThentherewasalistofthoseboysfromTafallawhohadbeenkilledorbadlywoundedsinceshewrotelast.Shementionedtenwhowerekilled.ThatisagreatmanyforatownthesizeofTafalla,RobertJordanthought.

TherewasquitealotofreligionintheletterandsheprayedtoSaintAnthony,totheBlessedVirginofPilar,andtootherVirginstoprotecthimandshewantedhimnevertoforgetthathewasalsoprotectedbytheSacredHeartofJesusthatheworestill,shetrusted,atalltimesoverhisownheartwhereithadbeenproveninnumerable——thiswasunderlined——timestohavethepowerofstoppingbullets.ShewasasalwayshislovingsisterConcha.

ThisletterwasalittlestainedaroundtheedgesandRobertJordanputitcarefullybackwiththemilitarypapersandopenedaletterwithalessseverehandwriting.Itwasfromtheboy’snovia,hisfiancée,anditwasquietly,formally,andcompletelyhystericalwithconcernforhissafety.RobertJordanreaditthroughandthenputalltheletterstogetherwiththepapersintohishippocket.Hedidnotwanttoreadtheotherletters.

IguessI’vedonemygooddeedfortoday,hesaidtohimself.Iguessyouhaveallright,herepeated.

“Whatarethoseyouwerereading?”Primitivoaskedhim.

“Thedocumentationandthelettersofthatrequetéweshotthismorning.Doyouwanttoseeit?”

“Ican’tread,”Primitivosaid.“Wasthereanythinginteresting?”

“No,”RobertJordantoldhim.“Theyarepersonalletters.”

“Howarethingsgoingwherehecamefrom?Canyoutellfromtheletters?”

“Theyseemtobegoingallright,”RobertJordansaid.“Therearemanylossesinhistown.”Helookeddowntowheretheblindfortheautomaticriflehadbeenchangedalittleandimprovedafterthesnowmelted.Itlookedconvincingenough.Helookedoffacrossthecountry.

“Fromwhattownishe?”Primitivoasked.

“Tafalla,”RobertJordantoldhim.

Allright,hesaidtohimself.I’msorry,ifthatdoesanygood.

Itdoesn’t,hesaidtohimself.

Allrightthen,dropit,hesaidtohimself.

Allright,it’sdropped.

Butitwouldnotdropthateasily.Howmanyisthatyouhavekilled?heaskedhimself.Idon’tknow.Doyouthinkyouhavearighttokillanyone?No.ButIhaveto.Howmanyofthoseyouhavekilledhavebeenrealfascists?Veryfew.Buttheyarealltheenemytowhoseforceweareopposingforce.ButyoulikethepeopleofNavarrabetterthanthoseofanyotherpartofSpain.Yes.Andyoukillthem.Yes.Ifyoudon’tbelieveitgodowntheretothecamp.Don’tyouknowitiswrongtokill?Yes.Butyoudoit?Yes.Andyoustillbelieveabsolutelythatyourcauseisright?Yes.

Itisright,hetoldhimself,notreassuringly,butproudly.Ibelieveinthepeopleandtheirrighttogovernthemselvesastheywish.Butyoumustn’tbelieveinkilling,hetoldhimself.Youmustdoitasanecessitybutyoumustnotbelieveinit.Ifyoubelieveinitthewholethingiswrong.

Buthowmanydoyousupposeyouhavekilled?Idon’tknowbecauseIwon’tkeeptrack.Butdoyouknow?Yes.Howmany?Youcan’tbesurehowmany.Blowingthetrainsyoukillmany.Verymany.Butyoucan’tbesure.Butofthoseyouaresureof?Morethantwenty.Andofthosehowmanywererealfascists?TwothatIamsureof.BecauseIhadtoshootthemwhenwetookthemprisonersatUsera.Andyoudidnotmindthat?No.Nordidyoulikeit?No.Idecidednevertodoitagain.Ihaveavoidedit.Ihaveavoidedkillingthosewhoareunarmed.

Listen,hetoldhimself.Youbettercutthisout.Thisisverybadforyouandforyourwork.Thenhimselfsaidbacktohim,Youlisten,see?BecauseyouaredoingsomethingveryseriousandIhavetoseeyouunderstanditallthetime.Ihavetokeepyoustraightinyourhead.Becauseifyouarenotabsolutelystraightinyourheadyouhavenorighttodothethingsyoudoforallofthemarecrimesandnomanhasarighttotakeanotherman’slifeunlessitistopreventsomethingworsehappeningtootherpeople.Sogetitstraightanddonotlietoyourself.

ButIwon’tkeepacountofpeopleIhavekilledasthoughitwereatrophyrecordoradisgustingbusinesslikenotchesinagun,hetoldhimself.IhavearighttonotkeepcountandIhavearighttoforgetthem.

No,himselfsaid.Youhavenorighttoforgetanything.Youhavenorighttoshutyoureyestoanyofitnoranyrighttoforgetanyofitnortosoftenitnortochangeit.

Shutup,hetoldhimself.You’regettingawfullypompous.

Norevertodeceiveyourselfaboutit,himselfwenton.

Allright,hetoldhimself.ThanksforallthegoodadviceandisitallrightformetoloveMaria?

Yes,himselfsaid.

Evenifthereisn’tsupposedtobeanysuchthingasloveinapurelymaterialisticconceptionofsociety?

Sincewhendidyoueverhaveanysuchconception?himselfasked.Never.Andyounevercouldhave.You’renotarealMarxistandyouknowit.YoubelieveinLiberty,EqualityandFraternity.YoubelieveinLife,LibertyandthePursuitofHappiness.Don’teverkidyourselfwithtoomuchdialectics.Theyareforsomebutnotforyou.Youhavetoknowtheminordernottobeasucker.Youhaveputmanythingsinabeyancetowinawar.Ifthiswarislostallofthosethingsarelost.

Butafterwardsyoucandiscardwhatyoudonotbelievein.Thereisplentyyoudonotbelieveinandplentythatyoudobelievein.

Andanotherthing.Don’teverkidyourselfaboutlovingsomeone.Itisjustthatmostpeoplearenotluckyenoughevertohaveit.Youneverhaditbeforeandnowyouhaveit.WhatyouhavewithMaria,whetheritlastsjustthroughtodayandapartoftomorrow,orwhetheritlastsforalonglifeisthemostimportantthingthatcanhappentoahumanbeing.Therewillalwaysbepeoplewhosayitdoesnotexistbecausetheycannothaveit.ButItellyouitistrueandthatyouhaveitandthatyouareluckyevenifyoudietomorrow.

Cutoutthedyingstuff,hesaidtohimself.That’snotthewaywetalk.That’sthewayourfriendstheanarchiststalk.Wheneverthingsgetreallybadtheywanttosetfiretosomethingandtodie.It’saveryoddkindofmindtheyhave.Veryodd.Well,we’regettingthroughtoday,oldtimer,hetoldhimself.It’snearlythreeo’clocknowandthereisgoingtobesomefoodsoonerorlater.TheyarestillshootingupatSordo’s,whichmeansthattheyhavehimsurroundedandarewaitingtobringupmorepeople,probably.Thoughtheyhavetomakeitbeforedark.

IwonderwhatitislikeupatSordo’s.That’swhatweallhavetoexpect,givenenoughtime.IimagineitisnottoojovialupatSordo’s.WecertainlygotSordointoafinejamwiththathorsebusiness.HowdoesitgoinSpanish?Uncallejónsinsalida.Apassagewaywithnoexit.IsupposeIcouldgothroughwithitallright.Youonlyhavetodoitonceanditissoonoverwith.Butwouldn’titbeluxurytofightinawarsometimewhere,whenyouweresurrounded,youcouldsurrender?Estamoscopados.Wearesurrounded.Thatwasthegreatpaniccryofthiswar.Thenthenextthingwasthatyouwereshot;withnothingbadbeforeifyouwerelucky.Sordowouldn’tbeluckythatway.Neitherwouldtheywhenthetimeevercame.

Itwasthreeo’clock.Thenheheardthefar-off,distantthrobbingand,lookingup,hesawtheplanes.